


The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep

by MusingsOnBuckyBarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Humor, M/M, Road Trips, Wakanda, cameos by the barton kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusingsOnBuckyBarnes/pseuds/MusingsOnBuckyBarnes
Summary: On the Great Road Trip and in Wakanda, Bucky Barnes tries to deal with what is happening.





	1. Road Trip

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts during Civil War (after Bucky is released from the vice), taking in the great road trip, but then goes off into an AU before the mid-scene credits.

xXx 

The first common ground that Bucky found with Sam Wilson was their reactions to their getaway vehicle.

“You have got to be joking,” Wilson said. 

Steve gestured at the old VW Beetle. “No one will expect us to be in this.” 

“That’s because we really _can’t_ fit in there,” Wilson replied. 

Steve countered, “At least it’s so old that it will be hard to track.” 

Bucky considered pointing out that it would stand out like a sore thumb, but then Mr Stubborn said, “We’ve got to go, now.” 

It turned out that Steve hadn’t actually stolen the car – he informed them that a ‘Sharon’ had arranged with one of her contacts for him to use it. So it was not on any police list. 

That answered the question about the car, but it brought up a whole new question. 

“Who?” Bucky asked. 

“Agent Carter.” Steve looked a mix of embarrassed and sad. 

For a moment Bucky thought that Steve had lapsed back into the 1940s, perhaps in his grief over Peggy’s death, but then he remembered that Steve would be referring to Peggy’s however-many-greats niece. 

And other emotions prickled at Bucky. Jealousy? Definitely resignation. 

Preferring a cramped drive as a distraction from pondering such things, he got in the car. 

xXx 

They stuck to back roads where they could. It felt like an endless, awkward drive, and not just due to the lack of both legroom and privacy. Bucky couldn’t recall just what he had done when triggered, but there were bruises on Steve and Wilson. Including a handprint on Steve’s neck… Fortunately the choke marks were fading. But while they remained visible, Steve was using a cardigan like a scarf around his neck. Apparently it had been the cardigan worn by the fake psychologist before the guy had fled. 

It still meant that Bucky must have tried to strangle Steve. Again. 

Plus, for someone who had apparently spent two years helping Steve to find him, Sam Wilson didn’t seem to want to have much to do with Bucky. He was sporting some bruises and Steve had mentioned something about it being lucky he didn’t have a concussion. So Bucky must have nearly killed Wilson too. Again. 

xXx 

Steve kept trying to talk to Bucky. “Are you okay? Do you want anything to eat or drink? You need to have something. Do you want to try to sleep?” 

Sleeping in this back seat would be like being in a womb. Or cryo. 

Bucky didn’t want to be any trouble but he also wanted and needed to remain functional in order to protect Steve and watch for any tails and to try to make things up to both men. 

Steve did most of the driving, with Wilson relieving him occasionally. Steve spent his non-driving time on the phone to Agent Carter and with Clint Barton, using a phone provided by Carter’s contact. Or Wilson would man the phone if Steve was at the wheel. Steve also tried to talk to Bucky. But it was difficult since they weren’t alone. Then again, it would be as difficult or more difficult if it was just them. 

Steve would be the safest person to let go with. He would also be the worst person to let go with. 

In the times when Bucky’s metal arm made noises or he had it or the hand uncovered, he would see the looks on Steve’s face. Sadness. Guilt. 

So Bucky did his best to remain stoic. 

Steve wanted him to rest, but contradictorily also to talk to him. Bucky wanted to offer to drive, however Steve was in mother hen mode and unless they could obtain gloves at their next pit stop, that metal hand on the wheel would be pretty obvious. Wilson made a comment about finding a car with heavily tinted windows. 

They couldn’t take a direct route to the airport rendezvous. Carter informed them of what places to avoid and when to lay low. They weren’t pulling into gas stations; they were too recognizable for that. Thanks again to Carter, they had places and people they could safely go to for fuel, food, money, information and other things. Sticking their neck out for Steve must be a Carter family tradition. 

Bucky knew he should be grateful, but he could remember a time when that had been the speciality of JB Barnes. 

Steve and Wilson discussed the situation and planned, with Steve asking Bucky’s opinions and what other things he knew about the base in Siberia and so on. Bucky looked around for threats and tried not to wish for his notebooks. Tried not to think of how they were still in the wrong hands even if those hands weren’t HYDRA. 

At least he was free – at the moment. Hunted, yes. But Bucky was used to that. Not with Steve as an outlaw alongside him though. 

It was so good to see Steve again. But it also placed Steve in more danger. 

_God, what a mess._

Plus Wilson wasn’t very comfortable, and not just due to the lack of space. Bucky could tell from the set of his shoulders, and his attitude. 

That wasn’t a surprise, considering the situation. Not only were they now wanted fugitives instead of heroes but they were also travelling with an assassin. The seating choices available to Wilson in the car either had the Winter Soldier behind him, easily placed to break his neck, or in front of him, blocking his exit. Either option was not ideal. 

Steve was bewildered at the tension between them. “I thought you two would get along…” 

Wilson’s gaze met Bucky’s in the rear-view mirror, and they found another thing in common: exasperation at Steve’s naivety. 

xXx 

At one point while Wilson was driving, Steve said, “Bucky, did you know that Peggy died last week?” 

“Yes. I’m sorry. When I read about it, I lit a candle for her.”  He knew she would have appreciated the gesture. 

Steve smiled back at him, but he was clearly hurting. 

Bucky said, “I’m sorry that you two didn’t get to… You deserved to be happy together.” 

“Thanks. I was so lucky to know her, and when I came out of the ice at least I got to spend some more time with her. Even if Peggy didn’t always know who I was or what decade it was. In a way, I’d already been grieving due to her dementia. But she had an amazing, full life, and a great family.” 

Bucky considered what he remembered about Peggy Carter. He felt admiration and jealousy in equal measure. It was still confusing. She had been an incredible person. He knew that for sure. And perfect for Steve. 

He wondered if Steve had told Peggy that he was actually still alive. And what he’d done as the Winter Soldier. He didn’t ask. 

xXx 

On one of the stops, Steve presented Bucky with some Karamello bars, the brand that he had kept in his Bucharest apartment. Steve must have put in the request specifically somewhere along the way, and looked so pleased about it that Bucky couldn’t help but smile. 

“Thanks.” 

“Glad to see you’ve still got that sweet tooth, Buck.” 

Steve grinned and Bucky felt those feelings stir in him again. 

xXx 

Wilson was in charge of the radio (self-appointed). Bucky didn’t mind, as he played some very interesting music. They avoided listening to the news where possible, as Agent Carter was keeping them up to date with that anyway and her reports were more reliable than what was being broadcast. 

It was amusing to watch Steve and Wilson unfolding themselves when they got out of the car, like opening the blade in a pocket knife, though this was accompanied by little ‘ooh’s, ‘ahhh’s and groans and pained straightenings of abused spines and long legs. It would have been even more amusing if it wasn’t for the fact that he had the same problem (he was just more quiet and stoic about it). 

Though watching Steve’s muscles straining against his t-shirt and jeans as he stretched was a very nice distraction. One that he had better be covert about admiring… 

Wilson said, “Oh yeah, that car really was a great idea, Steve.” 

“Shut up and find me a chiropractor,” whined the Sentinel of Liberty. 

The banter. The friendly behavior. He and Steve had once had that. 

Then there was the reverse fold in order to get back _into_ the car. 

He did manage to get some sleep when they were at a safe house, waiting for news about when and where Agent Carter could meet them and whether the Leipzig/Halle Airport would still be the rendezvous point with the others. 

There was discussion about whether to continue on in another vehicle but alternative transport fell through, and they stuck with the 1960s relic. Wilson started calling it Bertie. 

Bucky realized he would miss the car. It had character. 

xXx 

The miles and scenery slipped by. And memories worked their way to the surface of Bucky’s mind. 

He stilled. His brain played to him in Technicolor what he had most recently done as the Winter Soldier. It showed him the people he had fought at the GSG9 task force headquarters in Berlin, but as horrified as he was about that, his brain focused on… _Oh God._

He tried to do a calming breathing thing, quietly. It had helped him a lot during the last two years. But it didn’t work this time. He felt like he was going to throw up. Bucky looked around. There were plastic bags and containers in the back seat that he could use if needed. But he didn’t want the car to reek of vomit for the rest of the trip. 

They were driving down a currently deserted road next to some woodland. And he could see a little dirt laneway branching off into the woods up ahead. Well, something had to go right for a change. 

“Pull in over there.” 

“What’s wrong? Are you all right?” Steve asked, but he turned into the laneway. 

“Feel sick,” Bucky managed, trying to keep himself together for long enough. Steve stopped the car, and he and Wilson got out very quickly despite having to unfold from the confinement. Steve reached in to pull down the backrest, but Bucky didn’t and couldn’t wait for that. He wriggled over the barrier like an eel and scrambled out of the car, past Steve and off into the trees for cover before he fell to his knees and threw up (with a frantic Steve one step behind him all the way – a Steve who had probably been alarmed that he was bolting, abandoning him). 

Bucky vomited a few more times, with Steve crouched beside him, touching him on the shoulder and back, after being careful to telegraph the movements first. 

“Are you okay? Do you think it was something you ate? Or…” 

He took a deep breath. “It’s the realization that I shoved you down an elevator shaft then tried to crush you with a helicopter and slice you to shreds with its blades! Then when THAT didn’t work…” 

Steve was looking so concerned and earnest, rubbing his hand soothingly back and forth. “It’s okay. You were brainwashed. I’m okay.” 

Bucky gave him a look. 

“The elevator wasn’t that bad, Bucky. We weren’t on one of the higher floors.” 

There was a noise of disbelief from nearby. “Are you doing some of that gallows World War 2 or Depression era humor?” Wilson asked. He was standing beside the VW, checking up and down the laneway, on guard, as watchful as his Falcon alter-ego, but he also tossed a bottle of water to Steve, who opened it and handed it to Bucky. Bucky gratefully rinsed his mouth out, then drank. 

Fortunately he wasn’t still drinking when Steve said, “At least this time we both fell together.” 

Bucky stared at him. “Only because my hand was around your throat!” 

The stubborn idiot carried on, regardless. “As for the helicopter, at least the Winter Soldier destroying it meant that he couldn’t use it anymore to escape. He couldn’t take you away from me again.” 

“I took me away from you.” 

There was a pause. They stared at each other. Then Steve shifted from squatting to kneel down beside him and put a hand back on his shoulder. 

“I searched for you for two years. I didn’t know if you remembered me or if you went back to HYDRA or if you needed help or if you hated me and didn’t want to see me again or if you were dead.” His voice cracked. 

Bucky replied, “When I remembered who you were, I remembered how important you are to me, how I protected you. This was me trying to protect you again, by staying away, in case I got triggered again.” 

“Didn’t make either of us happy though.” 

There was a pause. Wind in the trees. Birdsong. Bucky leaned against the nearest tree. Solid. He wondered briefly if it was older than he was. 

“Steve, just how much more are you going to give up?” 

“Whatever it takes to keep you safe. And you _are_ worth saving. I am not handing you over to them.” 

xXx 

They continued on their way. 

Amongst all else, Steve had stopped a _helicopter_ for him. Bucky felt hope rise up in his chest, the hope that he had always tried to keep stamped well down in his soul. 

Perhaps this time. It was legal now. Perhaps in this future, they could finally… 

Then he watched through the windshield of the VW Beetle as Steve kissed Sharon Carter. 

…and it was like history was repeating itself. Bucky knew he been an idiot to entertain thoughts to the contrary. The emotions churning through him were so familiar, as sharp and bitter from his memories of the 1940s as they were now. 

He couldn’t even yell, “Let’s hear it for Captain America!” like he had the other time he’d realized that Steve had found someone. It had helped to deflect and distract from his confused thoughts. Instead he smiled through Bertie’s windshield and hoped it was halfway convincing and not a grimace. 

_It’s a good thing,_ he told himself. _This is what Steve deserves._ And there were other things to worry about and concentrate on. Like stopping five other Winter Soldiers from being released. 

xXx 

End Part 1

 


	2. Introspection in Wakanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks very much to michi_frog for beta reading this chapter!

 

 

xXx

Cold. From the location. From the shock.

_Step. Another. Keep moving._ Moving with Steve’s arm around him. Anchor.

_My arm. It’s gone. Don’t look at what’s left. Focus on moving. Have to leave._

_And go where?_

_Help the others,_ Bucky replied to himself.

_God, I can’t even help myself. Or Steve._

But they had to get away from Stark and the authorities. And Zemo was still out there.

Bucky tried to keep alert, to watch for dangers. He tried not to think about Tony Stark’s face. Or Howard’s. Or Maria’s.

Steve occasionally said something, reassurances like, “Not far to go,” or to check that he was still conscious enough.

Bucky wanted to curl up in a corner and sleep. But if he stopped, Steve would too. And he had to get Steve out of there.

Fragments of a poem kept buzzing through his head.

_…dark and deep…_ _…promises to keep…_ _…miles to go before I sleep…_ _…miles to go before I sleep…_

Then they were outside. A blast of cold air. It woke him up a little from the stupor, from the stumbling rhythm of the steps.

Bucky tensed and stopped walking, causing Steve to halt. “What is it?”

“There’s –”

T’Challa stepped out in front of them. He wasn’t wearing his mask.

Steve immediately went to defensive mode, trying to protect Bucky. Bucky was doing the same with him, as best he could with a limb missing.

T’Challa announced, “I know the truth of the matter – that Barnes is innocent and what Zemo has done! I am here to help you both. Are you badly injured?”

Bucky could sense that it wasn’t a trick. He nearly sagged in relief, but didn’t dare.

“Zemo -” Steve began.

“- is in my custody.”

Another surge of relief. Bucky felt it go through Steve too.

T’Challa was taking in their injured appearances as he continued his explanation. “His family died in Sokovia and this was his revenge. Where is Stark?”

Steve replied, “Down in the facility. I disabled his suit because he was trying to kill Bucky. The Winter Soldier killed Tony’s parents. Zemo revealed that to him – I… I’d known about it but not told him. Can you go down and help Tony? We need to get out of here.”

Bucky felt himself drifting again and forced himself to concentrate. T’Challa had repeated his query about their injuries, and Steve was finishing replying: “-not sure how badly Bucky is hurt.”

T’Challa said to them, “I have brought some of my people with me, including a pilot and some medical staff. My pilot can fly you to safety in Wakanda on the Quinjet while one of the doctor treats you. I will return to Wakanda as soon as I have taken Stark back to America and handed Zemo over to the authorities. You are under my protection.”

Steve looked at Bucky then nodded. “Thank you, Your Highness. And I’ll need to find out what happened to my team.”

“We will be able to help with that too.” T’Challa then said to Bucky. “You will be safe in Wakanda, Sergeant Barnes. My assistants will inform the people that you are innocent.”

_I am anything but innocent._ “Thank you. But please don’t call me that name.”

His Highness did not show any surprise at the request. “What would you instead prefer?”

Steve protested, “Bucky, that’s your rank – you earned that. You have a _right_ to be called that.”

“They were Howard’s last words… He recognized me and said: ‘Sergeant Barnes?’” Bucky watched Steve’s face go even paler. “I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stop the Soldier from killing him.” _I’m so sorry, Howard._

T’Challa was nodding. “What would you like me to call you?”

“Bucky or Barnes. Either is fine.”

“Very well, Bucky.” As he indicated for them to come with him, he asked, “Captain, where is your shield? Do you need me to retrieve it?”

“I left it with Tony. I’m not Captain America anymore. Please call me Steve.”

As T’Challa introduced them to his people and issued orders to the ones who would go with him to locate and help Stark, Bucky thought about what Steve had just said.

They had been stripped back to their basic selves, almost, without the metal arm and the shield. Steve and Bucky again. If only this was as simple as them stumbling home after an alleyway fight in Brooklyn…

xXx

Bucky wasn’t in much of a condition to absorb what Wakanda was like, at the start of his visit anyway. But the medical personnel were all very kind and empathetic.

While Bucky was in the Quinjet and then the medical facility, Steve stayed right beside him as much as possible. Bucky would wake up or look over to find Steve receiving treatment or watching him or handwriting a letter of apology to Tony (going through several drafts in the process), or working on a laptop computer (studying information about the prison that Wilson, Maximoff, Barton, and Lang had been put in).

Not just any prison. The Raft.

They needed to be freed from there as soon as possible.

At least Sharon Carter wasn’t also imprisoned. She had melted into the shadows but had sent Steve some coded messages that reassured him she was all right. The same with Romanov.

More of Bucky’s metal arm was removed by T’Challa’s doctors – the exposed wires and jagged parts. At least the star was gone now too. Bucky had considered painting over it during the last two years.

The medical facility was incredible. With Bucky’s permission the doctors and scientists did scans and tests which they said they would study to see if they could come up with potential ways to get the HYDRA programming out of his head.

And, just like Tony Stark, T’Challa also had an AI computer that people could interact with. The AI was called Noor, and she would sound a chime before she spoke, so as to give Bucky warning and not startle him. Her voice was beautiful and soothing.

In the times that Bucky was allowed out of bed, he worked on adjusting his balance and to doing things one-armed. He had been trained to adapt quickly, so it could have been worse.

That didn’t lessen Steve’s sorrow over it.

“I’m so sorry about your arm, Bucky. About everything.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I should have told Tony.”

That had not been Steve’s wisest decision but Bucky knew why he’d made it. “Even if you had, Zemo would have come up with some way to have you two at each other’s throats. If he hadn’t been able to find one, he would have made one happen – like with that bomb.” 

xXx 

Bucky wanted to go with Steve on the Raft rescue, but he was in no condition to protect him properly at the moment. And if he did go, Steve would be so worried about him and possibly distracted by him, that it would be counterproductive.

But he could still offer advice and strategy and help work out the best way to get the others to safety.

Steve would be flown in a cloaked Wakandan aircraft, which would land on the top of the Raft. He would be accompanied by a group of T’Challa’s Dora Milaje bodyguards and a medical team, all of whom would be in disguise in case they needed to leave the aircraft in order to provide assistance.

The rescuers would either have to trick the Raft personnel into raising the prison to the surface or wait until someone else arrived there – they were debating which course of action would be the most successful and were trying to find out what visitors the Raft was expecting.

Only Steve would go out into the facility from the craft, while in full contact with the Dora Milaje and Noor. If things didn’t go according to plan, the bodyguards would then come out and assist.

With T’Challa and Noor’s help, Steve and Bucky came up with a way to get Noor to take control of the computer system on the Raft. She would cause it to release knock-out gas into the main control room. Noor would temporarily block people in other sections of the facility from gaining access to the areas that Steve needed to go through or reach. She would deal with the alarms and prevent anyone from escaping that weren’t supposed to.

xXx

It was time for Steve to go and rescue his friends. At least he was healed from his Siberian injuries. And he had the backing of T’Challa’s highly trained people if something went wrong.

Bucky and Steve stood in Bucky’s hospital room, staring at each other. It reminded Bucky of the time he had parted from Steve in Brooklyn, to fight in the war.

There was an awkward pause. Steve clearly wanted to hug him but didn’t know if it would be welcomed. So Bucky stepped forward and gave him a one-armed embrace.

“Take care, punk.”

Steve wrapped his arms around him. “See you soon, jerk.”

After a pause, they stepped back a little from each other.

Bucky said, “I’d say that you were taking all the stupid with you, but I think we have an equal share.”

Steve gave a smile that was both happy and pained. Then he resolutely turned and left the room.

Soon after that, Bucky was discharged from the hospital complex. It had a residential area next to it, connected by corridors, and that was where he was allowed to go, on his own. Though he knew that Noor would be monitoring him. Fair enough.

The residential space had a big main area that consisted of a combined living room and kitchen. There was a large ground-to-ceiling window showing the jungle. A corridor led away from the kitchen and contained a lot of bedrooms. Noor informed him that each had their own bathroom attached. And most of the bedroom doors had nameplates on them.

SCOTT

CLINT

WANDA

SAM

STEVE AND BUCKY

A _double_ nameplate for him and Steve. Subtle. So either T’Challa had the wrong impression about them or he thought that they would be better off in the same room. Bucky decided not to ask Noor.

NATASHA  (Okay, so she was expected, it seemed. No sign of a room for Sharon. But there were some spare bedrooms if she did show up. Or Bucky could move out into one of the vacant ones so that she and Steve could be together.)

Bucky investigated his and Steve’s room. It did have two luxurious beds, each one big enough for a group slumber party. There was clothing, notebooks, both to sketch and write in, and a selection of books. There were also some interesting toiletries in the bathroom.

The chime sounded. _“Is everything to your liking, Bucky?”_

“It is, Noor. It’s wonderful. Please thank His Highness.”

_“But you will not be able to relax and enjoy it until Steve is back?”_

“You’re very smart. You already know the answer.” Bucky rubbed at his shoulder, where the flesh met the metal.

“ _I am indeed smart. And if you suffer pain, tell me and I will have a doctor attend to you. Or if you wish to eat food that you do not want to make for yourself, a chef will bring it to you.”_

“Thank you.”

He continued to explore the facility. Past the bedrooms there was a conservatory with benches and amazing tropical plants, then a gym area, complete with an indoor running track and a swimming pool. 

Noor projected information on the walls or screens for him, depending on where he was at the time of his questions or her observations. She answered any question that he asked – there was no ‘It is classified’. But he tried not to overstep with what he asked. 

He retraced his steps and opened all of the cupboards in the kitchen to check their contents and the fridge. He ate some fruit that had been pre-sliced and drank some beautifully cool water. He asked for status reports about the mission. So far, it was going according to plan. 

Bucky paced. Perhaps he _should_ have gone with Steve. Even one armed, he could still be a serious threat.

He gazed out at the vivid jungle. The waterfall, the giant black panther statue. It was so beautiful.

T’Challa had originally tried to extradite him to Wakanda to stand trial. Now he was in Wakanda, but under T’Challa’s protection instead.

God, his _life_ …

He stared at his reflection in the window. The medical staff had helped him to dress in new clothing. The white pants, undershirt, and t-shirt made quite a change. When he had come back to himself two years ago, he had avoided black as much as possible, and tried to wear some colors, but not too vivid because he hadn’t wanted to stand out.

Bucky put a candle on one of the coffee tables and lit it for Howard and Maria and for his other victims.

He sat there and stared at it, thinking about them. He thought about the path that had brought him here. HYDRA had had to wipe his mind and program him to carry out their orders. He had not done so of his own free will. But he had physically carried out their missions, their kill orders.

Where to now? When Tony Stark caught up with them, would he still want to kill Bucky? How would the world deal with the former Winter Soldier? Even if Tony could forgive him, there would always be others who could not.

And what about Steve? He had given up so much in protecting him.

Bucky walked around the room, stretching, and trying not to think.

There were times when Noor would enquire as to his needs and Bucky got the feeling she was doing so when she could sense that he was brooding. She was trying to bring him out of himself.

Bucky went back to the coffee table and stared at the candle flame.

_These woods are lovely, dark and deep._

_But I have promises to keep._

_And miles to go before I sleep._

He had promised himself long ago to protect Steve. Then to follow Steve in the War.

Sleep. He could vaguely remember a time when it was restful. Now it was nightmares and resurfacing memories – or they were one and the same.

The last time his sleep had been halfway peaceful had been…

He took a deep breath. “Noor, does Wakanda have cryogenic freezing capacities?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me more about them, please?”

She set about projecting images and schematics, and explaining.

xXx

Bucky was pacing again and was considering trying to cook something, but then Noor gave her chime before saying, “His Highness is coming to see you. He will arrive in five minutes.” 

T’Challa arrived, accompanied by a middle-aged man who was wheeling a cart loaded with food and beverages. The man set the food out on a table, with two places facing each other at one end. He was thanked by T’Challa and exited. 

T’Challa smiled. “It is time for dinner, Bucky.  I hope you are hungry.” 

“Did Steve ask you to keep an eye on me?”

“Yes, but I was going to anyway. As a friend.”

Bucky smiled back, touched that T’Challa had made the time to do this. They sat down. Bucky waited in case there was a Wakandan version of ‘grace.’ Then they started to eat. T’Challa seemed curious about his opinion on some of the local dishes. He served them both and was the perfect host, at ease with conversing or with silence, taking the lead from Bucky. Bucky asked some questions about Wakanda. Occasionally they would ask for or receive mission updates from Noor.

Bucky had to get used to trying to eat with one hand. It helped that each of the dishes were ones that could be consumed that way, with everything already cut into bite-sized pieces or simple meals like soup. Another kindness from a thoughtful man. He said so.

T’Challa replied, “It is important for me to do this, for you and for me. And to honor my father. He was very wise and taught me so much. However, these last days have also given me important lessons. I am determined to learn from them. The more I get to know you and about you, the more I am relieved that I was prevented from killing you.” 

During the next course, T’Challa said, “I have some ideas for a new arm for you. Perhaps we can collaborate on it?” 

“And on a new shield for Steve?” 

T’Challa wasn’t surprised. “Of course.” 

Near the end of the meal, T’Challa commented, “You are considering going into cryo.” 

“Not until I’ve told Steve.” He was not looking forward to that conversation. “And not until I know that I don’t have to launch a rescue mission to free him from the Raft.” 

There was a pause. T’Challa gave him an earnest look. “Bucky, you know that I have considerable resources. The guards and this secure building are to protect _you_ from any danger. But they can also protect others from the Winter Soldier, if needed. You do not have to lock yourself away to that degree.” 

Bucky tried to explain. “It’s peace. I haven’t had that for a very long time. And at least here I’d know that I wouldn’t be in the hands of my enemies or in the hands of people who would want to use me as a weapon.” 

xXx 

Mission successful. All four rescued from the Raft. 

Bucky breathed a bit easier at that news, but he would still be tense until they had all arrived in Wakanda and Steve was in the same room as him again. 

xXx 

When they returned, the look that Steve gave Bucky– it was like no one else mattered. Bucky told himself to stop seeing what he wanted to see. It was just a relief that Steve was back safe and that the others were safe and being taken care of. 

Soon, Bucky would be taken care of too, by the blissful blankness of cryo. 

But even making that decision hurt and it would hurt Steve too. No matter what choice he made, it would hurt someone. 

This choice would be the best one for Steve, even if he wouldn’t be able to see that. Perhaps he would, eventually. 

Maximoff, Barton, Lang, and Wilson had been taken into the medical section to be examined and treated if necessary. Fortunately, they had no serious injuries that he knew about. However, being put in a place like the Raft would leave other, more hidden scars. 

Steve and Bucky stood in a corridor outside the medical area. Steve said reluctantly, “I’ve got to go into a meeting with T’Challa now, Buck, and go over the mission with him. I’m pretty sure we got away without the Raft realizing who was helping me or where we then disappeared to, but we have to be prepared in case they do. I’ll be as quick as I can.” He squeezed Bucky’s flesh shoulder. 

“Take as long as you need. It’s important.” 

“Will you be all right?” 

“Sure. It’s quite an apartment we’ve been given.” He didn’t mention the double bedroom they had been assigned. Steve would find out about that soon enough. In a way, Bucky wanted to be in on the debriefing, but this would give him more time to ask Noor about cryo, and to work out what to say to Steve about it. And he also wanted to talk to Steve’s teammates. His friends. 

He thought about Steve’s other friends and former team mates. The dilemma that had caused the choosing of sides was one with no easy answer, even before Zemo had set off that bomb or played that video.

Steve went into the meeting. Bucky went into his allocated bedroom and shut the door. He asked the AI to project various information on the walls about cryo, but also to tell him when the others would be arriving in this area. He didn’t want to be waiting out in the living area for them. They would probably need some space. 

Wilson was the first person to be discharged from the medical section. Bucky watched him on a security camera image courtesy of Noor. Wilson went into the living area and wandered around a little. He didn’t knock on Bucky’s door or look in his own room. He didn’t ask the AI anything. When he found the conservatory, he sat down on a bench in it. Bucky was not surprised. 

He knew that Wilson needed some space, but he also needed to talk to him, and potentially help him, and he wanted to try to speak to him on their own first, before anyone else came in. 

So Bucky left his room and headed to the conservatory. 

xXx 

End Part 2

 


	3. A Chat with Team Cap (minus Cap)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to michi_frog for betaing this chapter!

 

 

xXx

Wakanda residential facility assigned to Team Cap:

When Bucky approached the conservatory, he asked T’Challa’s AI, Noor, to announce to Wilson that he was about to arrive.

Wilson was also dressed in new clothing. He looked at Bucky with a mixture of expressions: caution and surprise being the most obvious.

“Hi,” Bucky said. He didn’t really know what to call him. ‘Sam’ seemed too casual. ‘Wilson’ seemed too formal now but he didn’t know if it would be welcomed. “Can I?” He gestured at the bench Wilson was sitting on.

Wilson looked at the stump of Bucky’s metal arm, then at his face, and nodded.

Bucky sat down at the other end of the bench. “How are you?”

Wilson gaped. “Me? Dude, you’re the one whose arm got lasered off!”

“Losing an arm has happened to me before. I also know what it’s like to be a prisoner, so if you want or need to talk about that, I’m here.”

Wilson was staring at him.

There was no time to ease into the conversation. So Bucky said, “I know it’s not something you can really discuss with Steve because it will make him feel even guiltier. And I know what happened with Riley, how what happened with Rhodes must have… brought back memories.”

There was a pause before Wilson said, “You’ve been on the falling end of it.”

“And then I saw Steve fall. I know I’m not exactly your favorite person in the world, but I might be able to help. Or at least listen.”

Wilson kept staring at him. Then he said, apparently to himself, “A sergeant before he was a sergeant…” He sounded like he was quoting something. At Bucky’s confused look, he elaborated. “Steve told me a lot about you. How even before you became a sergeant that you cared for and protected those around you: your parents, sisters, Steve, friends, neighbors, strangers, animals. And HYDRA took so much from you. But I can see who you were, sometimes. Like how you tried to shield me from that spider-kid.”

Bucky felt proud at that, but also uncomfortable. The conversation was supposed to be about Wilson, not him.

“Thank you, Bucky,” Wilson said. Bucky tried not to show surprise at the first time Wilson – Sam – had used that name. “I appreciate your offer. Maybe at some stage we can talk about it.”

“Okay. What do you need from me now? Do you need some space, or to talk about other things, or just some silent company?”

Sam decided to hear and see a bit about Wakanda from Noor and about the amazing plants and flowers around them in the conservatory, with Bucky welcome to stay, so for a little while they did that.

Bucky realized the moment that Sam decided that he did want to talk about what had happened after all. He stopped asking Noor questions and his jaw tightened. He turned to Bucky.

“It was hard to see Rhodes falling. I tried to reach him, but he hit the ground before I could. Same thing happened with Riley. Brings it all back. Rhodes is still alive. But there’s spinal damage.”

Yes. You were never the same person after you fell. Physically. Mentally.

Sam continued, “He’s a great guy. We got on well – most of the time. Have got a lot in common. Military experience. Annoying, high maintenance friends…” He gave a brief smile at that. So did Bucky.

Sam took a deep breath. “They stuck us in a prison for dangerous criminals. They put Wanda in a straight-jacket and high tech collar so she couldn’t use her powers.”

Bucky listened, letting it pour out of Sam, who revealed an impressive vocabulary of swear words and colorful expressions as he talked about the Raft and about suddenly being on the other side of the law.

Then Sam suddenly gave a wry laugh. “After being in that place, I did miss being stuck in Bertie with you and Steve.”

“Well, that’s something.”

Sam sighed and sat back a bit. Bucky knew that Sam had had enough of opening up about what had happened, for now, so he didn’t press. He knew what it was like to feel raw and exposed.

There was one thing Bucky had to say though. “Thanks for being there for Steve.”

“He’s worth it. You know that better than anyone.” Sam seemed to read something in his face then tensed and asked, “What are you going to do?”

“Give Steve his life back.”

Sam looked concerned. “You’re leaving.”

“Yes and no.”

To Bucky’s complete lack of surprise, Sam was quick on the uptake. “No -”

“He’ll know exactly where I am. He’ll know that I’m safe and that I’m not hurting anyone. And that I’m under T’Challa’s protection. They have much better cryo facilities here than anywhere else I’ve been.”

Sam grimaced. “I was with Steve just after he found out that you were still alive. He said ‘Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.’ And I’ve been around him for the last two years. Don’t go thinking that putting yourself on ice will make things better for him.”

“I know that he’ll be fine,” Bucky countered. “He’s got friends. Especially now that he’s got a great best friend in you and a great girlfriend in Sharon.”

Sam stared at him, temporarily speechless. What? What had he said wrong?

“Barnes, you are and always will be Steve’s best friend. As for that kiss… I don’t think – ah, hell. I’d better not give my opinion on that, because I could be wrong. Best if you talked to Steve about it.”

What the hell did Sam mean by that?

Before he could decide whether or not to ask, Bucky realized that they had company. He could hear that Maximoff, Lang, and Barton had arrived, but the three had halted just around the corner to the conservatory, either eavesdropping or hesitating about intruding. Or a mix of both.

He called out to them to join him and Sam. They did so, also attired in new clothing.

Maximoff looked like a gothic angel. One with haunted eyes. He knew that look from his own reflection. She kept flexing her graceful fingers and rubbing her neck, as if reassuring herself that the straightjacket and collar were gone. But he could also sense a core of steel in her.

Barton tried to make the mood light, “Well, these accommodations are so much better!”

However, they all looked worriedly at Bucky while they settled on the benches. Not in a ‘are you going to kill us?’ way, but in concern for him. Lang stared at the stump of his left arm then said, “Oh man… That is so unfair.”

“How are you?” Maximoff asked.

“I’m okay. The main thing is how you all are.”

“Very much better now that we’re out of the Raft,” Barton said, stretching. “And Nat has my family with her. They’ll join us as soon as they can.”

Bucky told the newcomers what he had told Sam – that he was there for them if they wanted someone to talk to about what they had been through.

“Thank you,” Maximoff said, “but I don’t feel like talking about the Raft at the moment.”

Lang also gave his thanks, then looked at Sam and Bucky. “What have we missed?”

Sam sighed and said, “Well folks, it turns out that Bucky is as self-sacrificing an idiot as Steve. Let’s try to convince both of them to see reason.”

Bucky replied, “Why not? You’ve got time on your hands.”

“Thanks to Zemo and Secretary Ross, we do,” Barton said. “Steve’s still our leader. Our Captain. Him dropping the shield doesn’t change that for us.”

Bucky nodded, relieved. “I need you all to help Steve. To make him see this isn’t his fault.”

“And it’s not yours either,” Sam said.

Barton commented, “We were in that prison for several days. Felt like forever. But you were a World War II P.O.W. for several months, then a P.O.W. of HYDRA for seventy years! You didn’t ask for any of this to happen.”

“Yeah dude, you’re Bucky Barnes!” Lang said. “You’re a victim, not a villain.”

Maximoff nodded. “We will protect you. You deserve it.”

He gripped the edge of the bench with his hand. “Thank you. But who’ll protect you from me?”

“Bucky, we are the people most able to stop the Soldier. And to help you,” Maximoff pointed out. “One of the best ways to get better is to help others. That’s what you’re doing. That’s what we’re doing. And when I know more, I may be able to do something with my powers to help your mind.”

Sam gave him an earnest look. “I’m just asking you not to rush into this.”

Lang frowned. “Rush into what?”

“Cryo,” Sam answered.

Maximoff and Lang looked surprised. Barton didn’t. But they all looked sad about it.

Sam said, “Give it a bit of time. Let T’Challa show you how he can help and protect you. And we can’t talk to you about our shared life experiences if you’re in cryo.”

Barton nodded. “Plus if you do go into cryo, Steve will mope. We will have to deal with mopey Steve.” They all shuddered. “Do not subject us to that.”

Sam said, “However, we don’t want to force you into anything. You have free will. What do you really want?”

“The peace of cryo is very appealing.”

“But do you really want to go in there?” Sam pressed.

“I don’t want to be made to hurt anyone anymore. I don’t want to be what keeps holding Steve back from living his life. I know that he has friends, you, who will look after him and out for him.”

They were giving him the same look that Sam had given him when Bucky had commented that Steve had a new best friend and girlfriend.

What?

Maximoff said, “He needs you, Bucky. I know. Not just from being his friend this last year, but from being in his mind, briefly, back before we were friends.” She looked uncomfortable at bringing this up.  

Barton said, “And if you want to talk to someone, instead of with Steve, I know what it’s like to be brainwashed.”

“Thank you, but this shouldn’t be about me,” Bucky replied.

“Well, it’d help me too,” Barton pointed out. “And why shouldn’t it also be about you?”

Sam stood up. “So how about we form a group like ‘Avengers Anonymous’, and use this time to help each other to deal with some issues? All of us. Including you, Bucky.”

Lang nodded. “I don’t have any issues, but I’m happy to listen and help in any way I can.”

Sam fired back, “Tic Tac, you _are_ an issue!”

That got some chuckles, but Lang did have some problems as it turned out, and a daughter that he now couldn’t see. He and Barton quickly bonded over their fatherhoods.

“You can’t see your daughter…” Bucky said.

“That was a problem long before all of this. I ended up in jail for being a cat burglar. Things were getting better – I’d become Ant Man and that was a way to do good. I was getting to see Cassie.” Lang said, “As for what’s happened now… Well, I came along because I wanted to help and it was important. T’Challa and Hank Pym may be able to come up with something to help me about Cassie. And at least we didn’t have to deal with psycho assassins.”

Bucky pointed out, “If I get triggered again, you might.”

“That’s another priority,” Sam said. “Looking into ways to get that programming out of your head.”

There was a pause, then Maximoff spoke. “Steve recently told me that if we don’t find a way to deal with our mistakes, with the people we couldn’t save, then maybe next time no one gets saved. He learned that in the 1940s, I think, with you, Bucky.”

Barton nodded. “He talked to me about it once. He said he was supposed to be Captain America, but he couldn’t even save his best friend. But that he knew you wouldn’t have wanted him to give up. So he kept going.”

Bucky felt like there was a lump in his throat.

“And what we’re doing now, this isn’t giving up either,” Sam explained. “This is regrouping and recovering. We need it and it’s vital.”

Lang enthused, “It’s awesome! You guys are doing something important, breaking down walls and healing.”

They all stared at him. Bucky was impressed and relieved that Lang could still be so cheerful.

Upon registering their looks, Lang went, “Oh. Um, I ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

Bucky said, “No. You’re part of the moment.” His equilibrium would help them.

Lang grinned. “Cool. That’s a relief. I’m gonna make some tea though.”

He jumped up, but halted when Bucky asked, “Can none of you mention about the cryo to Steve, for now, please? I need to have a think about it, then talk to him. I promise I will talk to him about it.”

There were nods and ‘Okay’ and ‘Yes’.

Bucky felt wrung out. “Let’s take a break from this for now. Sam, I hear that you’re good at recommending excellent songs and you did show good taste with the radio on our road trip. What suggestions do you have?”

Sam grinned. “Oh man, let me introduce you to the wonder that is a band called _Earth, Wind and Fire_. They invented the crescendo.”

“Noor will be able to play that for us.”

Lang added, “While we get something to eat. And tea!”

They all headed to the living area. Barton looked at the joint STEVE AND BUCKY nameplate on the bedroom door as they passed it, raised his eyebrow at Bucky and exchanged grins with Sam, but said nothing.

Lang, on the other hand, saw the grins, saw the source of it, and went, “Oh, are you two _together_? That’s great!”

“No.” It was nice but strange to hear a man be so supportive and happy about homosexuality, even if Lang had got the wrong idea.

Lang looked forlorn. “Oh. You two would make a great couple.”

“I’m not the one he kissed.” Bucky tried to sound casual about it.

Barton did a double take. “Who did he kiss? I know he kissed Nat, but that was -”

“He kissed Natasha? When?” Sam interrupted, incredulous. “He never told me that!”

“Well, technically she kissed him. It was when they were on the run from HYDRA back in 2014. Rumlow was close to spotting them in a public place, so Nat did that to make him not look at them closely enough to recognize them. It worked. Anyway, who did Steve kiss now?”

“Sharon Carter,” Bucky replied.

Sam made a non-committal sound. Maximoff had an odd look on her face. Lang didn’t know Sharon, so he didn’t really react. Barton gave a “Hmmmmm…”

Bucky wanted to ask in exasperation just what they were on about, but odd stuff like that aside, he realized that it was nice to spend time with them. Apart from Sam, Bucky had barely met these people before they were fighting together as a team. And he felt the stirrings of real bonds with them, like with the Howling Commandoes. Friends as well as team mates.

xXx

End Part 3

 

 


	4. Chats with Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to michi_frog for beta reading this chapter.

 

xXx

Wakanda residential facility assigned to Team Cap:

By the time Steve returned from his meeting with T’Challa, the rest of Team Cap were sprawled on the sofas in the living area. They were decompressing from their ordeal by listening to each other’s favorite music, eating ice cream, and commenting on the videos that went with a lot of the songs. (Commentary on the clips from the 1970s and 80s was particularly amusing.)

Clint suddenly laughed and said, “Bucky, look – with your white clothes, you’re dressed like a boy band member!”

“True. I can sing a bit.”

“That’s more than they can.”

Wanda gave Clint a mock frown and said, “I will defend the Backstreet Boys to my last breath.”

Bucky smiled. It was good to just do something for the fun of it, and to hold a contest with T’Challa’s AI, Noor, to try to guess the ingredients of a really amazing fruity ice cream that was a local delicacy. He had also decided to start calling the other members of Team Cap by their first names, instead of just Sam. The military side of him was leaning towards using their surnames, but these people were now his friends, and Bucky wanted to try to go past the military mindset, back to hanging out as a civilian.

But there was also the dilemma about cryo. Did he really want to go back into it? Should he, for everyone’s safety? But Team Cap had raised some very interesting things for him to consider. And he hadn’t even mentioned it to Steve yet…

Perhaps by the time T’Challa’s experts worked out how to deprogram him, he’d come out of cryo to find that Steve and Sharon had produced a kid for him to spoil. Though would it be best if he kept away from it, since he would still be an ex-brainwashed assassin? Even if Bucky avoided being around the child or children, at least Steve would be getting on with his life. Bucky had spent a long time hiding how he felt about Steve. He could do so again.

He pushed those thoughts away temporarily when Steve arrived. It didn’t take much convincing for him to join them. He sat next to Bucky.

He looked solemn but relieved to see them all together and interacting without any fights or bitterness. There was also an aura about him, or more accurately a shroud, like ‘I brought you all to this’. Team Cap were going to have to work on that…

The others were trying to find out which musical eras Bucky had caught up on and which ones he had questions about.

“How do we explain techno to him?” Sam asked.

“I like rock and roll,” Steve said to Bucky. “Do you?”

“Yeah. Jazz is still my favorite, but I do enjoy that. And some pop and disco.”

Steve was soon heartily consuming a bowl of ice cream (vanilla, choc chip and bubblegum) and commenting on the music clips.

Noor asked if they had any particular requests for dinner and that it would be cooked and brought in to them. T’Challa would be absent but sent an apology saying that he should be able to join them at some stage the next day. There were also ingredients in the kitchen and they could request whatever they wanted.

Scott said, “I might do some stress baking tomorrow.”

An odd look appeared briefly on Wanda’s face. Bucky saw it, but Scott didn’t realize, and chatted on about a great waffle recipe that a friend had shown him how to make.

Then Scott said, “So, that getaway car in Berlin – why on earth did you choose a VW Beetle? I mean, seriously? Three giant guys in one of those?” Scott laughed. “Why?”

“One of Agent Carter’s contacts found it for us,” Bucky said.

“If it wasn’t for the seriousness of the situation, it would have sounded like they were playing a practical joke on you.”

They asked Noor for news updates. There was plenty about Team Cap having escaped from the Raft (Bucky knew that some false evidence had been leaked to make pursuers search for them in the wrong places) and a there was lot of debate about Captain America being a fugitive and about the Accords. At the moment, the general consensus seemed to be that oversight of groups like the Avengers was needed but not in the form that the Accords had taken. Wakanda had announced to the world that Bucky had not been the bomber in Vienna and that the true culprit, Zemo, was in custody. James Rhodes was in a stable condition, and he was apparently able to walk a little when using a device that Stark had made.

xXx

The team ate dinner, mostly in companionable but exhausted silence, apart from comments like: “Oooh, this is good – try it,” or “Wow, the spices in this are incredible,” and Steve giving a little speech: “Thanks all of you for everything you’ve done. I’m sorry that it has led to this, but I’ll do everything I can to fix things as soon as possible so that you can go home.”

“We’re still alive, and so are you and Bucky,” Sam said. “That’s a start. We can build from there.” The others gave their agreement to that.

 “Thank you,” Steve said, and that beautiful voice of his sounded even deeper. “It means a lot to us.”

Then everyone wanted an early night. Steve and Bucky were the first to leave the living area.

During Steve’s time in Wakanda pre-Raft-rescue, he had stayed at the medical facility, not here. So he blinked upon noticing the double nameplate on their bedroom. Steve opened the door and peered in, then commented, “The others aren’t bunking together.”

Bucky shrugged. “I guess T’Challa thought that we’d be more comfortable in the same room. In case of nightmares or stuff.”

Steve nodded. They went inside and shut the door. Steve looked at the notebooks, furniture, and their view and went, “Wow.”

“Bathroom’s just as impressive.” Bucky went and sat down on one of the beds. He realized he had chosen the one on the same side as back when they had shared an apartment.

Steve sat down on the other bed, facing him with that earnest expression. “Is this all right, Buck? Because if you need some space, I can sleep out in the living area or in one of the other rooms.”

Steve needed to rest. Now that Bucky and the others were safe, at least there was a fighting chance of making him get some sleep.

“Stay here. The beds are huge.”

Steve looked relieved. Good. “Okay. Do you want to use the bathroom first?”

“No, go ahead.”

First, Steve removed something from a pocket and set it down on the dressing table between their beds. It was a flip phone, the twin of the one that he had sent to Tony Stark. Bucky had not asked to read the letter that had accompanied the phone. But he could guess the contents.

“Anything yet?”

Steve replied, “A text to say that I need to learn how to write an apology letter properly. And that he was glad that the others were no longer on the Raft.”

That was a step forward between the two men. A long way to go though.

Bucky went back to thinking about cryo. Did he really want it? But did his own wants get to come into this?

At least here, monitored by Noor, if anything did happen to trigger him, he would be contained within this building, or at least delayed long enough to be put down or knocked out. Noor could lock the bedroom door to keep him isolated. She could pump in knock out gas and warn the others.

And, as Sam and the others had reminded him today, they and T’Challa would protect him, from Ross and death or arrest, revenge attacks, and even from his own maudlin thoughts.

He thought about some of the footage of Steve he had seen from the last three years, footage that Bucky had searched out and watched when he was trying to deal with his own recovered memories. Compared to the Steve that Bucky remembered, it was like this version, post-ice, was barely present in the 21st century. All soldier and no Steve.

_Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky._

In that first year, before he knew that Bucky was still alive, it had been like Steve was sleepwalking through the new world he was in, focused only when he was on a mission. Then in the time afterwards, there had still been an aspect of that, but there had also been something else: hope, determination.

_I have promises to keep._

Like ‘To the end of the line.’

Would he be taking that away from Steve?

Steve looked somewhat pink when he came back into the bedroom. Bucky wasn’t sure if that was from his shower or perhaps he had discovered the supply of condoms and lube in the cabinet.

Bucky was not going to ask. He headed for the bathroom.

“Um, if you need any help, let me know,” Steve said, gesturing at his lack of left arm and blushing a bit more.

“Thanks. I should be fine.”

When Bucky came out, ready for bed, he found that Steve was under the covers of his own bed, staring up at the ceiling in the lamplight. He looked exhausted but also like he had something to say.

Bucky got into his own bed, stretched out and turned on his right side to face Steve. “Do you want the lights off now?”

Instead of answering that, Steve looked at him and said, “Sharon and I have talked. I was able to reach her on a secure line.”

“How is she?”

“She’s okay. Safe.”

“I’m glad. When will you get to see her again?”

There was an odd expression on Steve’s face. “Probably not for a while.”

Bucky sat up. “Steve, you are not stranding yourself here on my behalf. You are not losing time with a wonderful woman like that. Not again.”

Steve turned his whole body to face Bucky. “Sharon and I… we aren’t together.”

“Steve, I know you. You don’t just kiss a woman for no reason. And I saw that kiss – it wasn’t like when Private Lorraine took liberties. _You_ initiated the kiss with Sharon.”

“I care about her. I liked her and thought that I…” He sighed and shook his head. “I realized that I shouldn’t have kissed her. Especially so soon after Peggy died. My emotions were everywhere, and I made the wrong decision. Sharon and I are better off just as friends. We talked about it.”

“Are you sure?”

Steve took a deep breath, sat up and looked him in the eyes. Bucky knew that look. It was the _‘I’m going to say or do something drastic here but I’ll face the consequences because this is important’_ expression.

“I know I don’t feel the same about her as I do about you.”

Bucky forgot how to breathe. This could not be happening. He couldn’t let himself feel happiness about it. “Yes, pal, but that’s because I’m a _guy_. You don’t… you’re not gay or bi. You’re not into men.”

The confession came out in a rush. “Actually, I am. It took me a long time to realize. Probably because I’ve felt this way about you for so long that I didn’t realize what it actually was. I don’t want to pressure you or rush you or anything. I just wanted you to know. And if you don’t feel the same way or need some time, then that’s fine. I’m just so happy to have you back.”

Back… Bucky thought about his cryo dilemma. But Steve’s revelation was rising through all the other clamors in his brain.

“Oh.” Bucky didn’t know what to say. In a way, he wanted to jump around for joy and tackle Steve onto the bed to make up for all that lost time, but the rest of him was in shock. “So you’re sure… that this isn’t just because I’m the only thing, the only person, left from your past now?”

Steve looked surprised and almost angry for a second.

Bucky elaborated. “You said that you shouldn’t have kissed Sharon - that your emotions about Peggy interfered with your judgement. I want to make sure that isn’t the case here either.”

Steve got up and started to pace. “You’ve always been everything to me. Then and now. You being ‘last man standing’ now has nothing to do with that. But I’m so glad that you are here and okay.” He stopped and stood looking down at Bucky. Exposed and vulnerable.

Still reeling, Bucky gestured for him to sit down next to him on the bed. Steve did so.

“I feel the same way about you as you do about me.” It was as close as Bucky could come to saying it. For now.

Steve’s smile bloomed and Bucky’s heart immediately performed some complicated maneuvers. His whole life had just turned around again. This time in a very promising way. But did that change the fact that he should go into cryo for everyone’s safety?

He realized Steve was talking again. “And Sharon’s okay about us. She wasn’t surprised. She said that she’d seen the way that I looked at you compared with how I looked at her. And that she had heard Peggy talk about us. Peggy realized about us before we did.”

“We don’t deserve the Carter women. They’re too good for us.”

“Yeah.”

“I need time to think about it all though.”

“Of course. Take all the time you want.” Steve slipped his hand into Bucky’s right hand, laced their fingers together and squeezed gently. “Now after all that heavy talk, do you think you can sleep?” Steve still looked exhausted but also relieved and lighter. He started to stand up, his fingers loosening their grip.

Bucky tightened his hold and tugged Steve back down. Bucky leaned in, holding his arm out for an embrace. They deserved some happiness.

Steve gave a beaming smile, shifted a bit on the bed, and wrapped him up in a hug. They stayed like that for a while.

Then Bucky felt that Steve’s weight was resting more and more against him and also the change in his breathing. He realized that Steve was on the verge of the land of nod.

Bucky said quietly, “Come on, let’s lie down and get some sleep.” He thought that he should make sure it was in separate beds, not together, but he was too tired and wanted this too much to banish Steve even a few meters away.

When Steve realized that Bucky meant for them to curl up together, he made a happy, sleepy sound of agreement before rousing enough to say, “Are you sure?”

“I may get nightmares,” Bucky warned. As if Steve didn’t already know.

“Same. We’ll deal with them. Together.” Steve briefly pressed a kiss to his forehead. Bucky closed his eyes and enjoyed the sweetness and intimacy of it.

They lay down to sleep, with Bucky’s head on Steve’s chest and Steve’s arms around him. “Is this all right?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Bucky replied. Surely this was a dream he was having. Perhaps a dream while he was in cryo.

“Oh, the lights…” Steve said belatedly, looking around for a switch or lamp. “Damn, I don’t want to move.”

Bucky had it covered. “Noor, please turn off the lights.”

She did so with the comment, “May your night be filled with blissful sleep with your beloved. Do you want me to wake you at any particular time?”

Steve yawned then replied, “No thank you, Noor. I tend to wake up at sunrise regardless, and I’ve been in Wakanda long enough now to adjust to the time zone difference.” He’d always been quick at doing that, even pre-serum.

“Very well.”

In a comfortable, happy position that he couldn’t have imagined he would really end up in even half an hour beforehand, Bucky fell asleep.

xXx

Bucky woke up a few times, but it was easier to go back to sleep when he was being cradled like this. Loved. Protected. 

And when his mind tried to keep him awake by agonizing over whether he should go back into cryo, he firmly told it to shut the hell up for now because he wanted to enjoy this oasis of peace and bliss and he damn-well deserved it.

When he did have a nightmare, at least he didn’t jolt awake. He wasn’t sure if that was because he was so used to them now, and so used to keeping himself quiet due to the thin walls in his apartment or wherever else he was staying. And if he did panic and take a swing at Steve, at least it wouldn’t be with the metal arm.

The next time he woke up, there was a little bit of moonlight filtering through the large window. It was enough to allow a super soldier to see clearly by. Then Steve shifted and mumbled in the grip of his own nightmare before Bucky woke him up.

Steve blinked and took a deep breath. His arms tightened a little – reassuring himself that Bucky was there. “Sorry I woke you.”

“I was already awake.”

They settled back down and lay there in silence for a minute.

“You gave up the shield,” Bucky said.

“That’s actually been a long time in coming. So, if you’re blaming yourself about it, don’t. And I don’t have to be Captain America in order to help people. My first priority is helping you, protecting you. We’ll work on the rest.”

Bucky raised his head enough to look at Steve. He wanted to poke him in the chest – would it make him squirm? – and remind him that he needed help too, because Bucky wasn’t the only one going through stuff. But was now the time to mention that or to discuss being the ex-Captain America? Better in daylight instead? And just how much could he help Steve if he was going to go into cryo?

He must have hesitated for too long or something must have shown on his face, because Steve was looking at him worriedly. “Bucky, what is it?”

Bucky really did not want to have this conversation. However, he couldn’t avoid it forever. “I’d been thinking about going into cryo.”

Steve jolted then went very still. His body went still – his heart was another thing, suddenly hammering along. “Oh?”

“T’Challa has cryo tech here.”

Bucky could hear the effort he went to in trying to keep his tone neutral. “Do T’Challa and his doctors or scientists recommend it?”

“It was my idea. For safety. But I think… our friends and you… you’ve all been giving me very good reasons for not doing it. I need to have a think about it all.”

“That’s… I want…” Steve swallowed. “I want you to decide for yourself what’s best.”

“But you don’t want me to go into cryo.”

“No. But it’s your choice to make, not mine. We’ll protect you; we’ll help you. But if you decide that you really want to do that, then we’ll support you.”

Steve didn’t want to interfere with his hard-won free will, even if it meant losing him again.

But as their friends had pointed out, Bucky was in one of the best places to help him and to protect others from him if things went wrong. T’Challa and Wanda could come up with something. He had time and space to heal. Well, hopefully there was time.

And he didn’t have to give Steve up. Now that he knew how Steve felt, he didn’t have to put himself and his wants aside to let Steve live his life. However, even if he didn’t resort to cryo, he would still be stranding Steve here for however long…

“I don’t have to decide just yet.”

Bucky raised his hand to gently cup Steve’s face. Steve leaned eagerly into the touch and then put his own hand over Bucky’s.

Steve said, “Things will be all right. We’ve come this far.”

Being so earnest and believing it – perhaps that was Steve’s real super power.

They both went to the bathroom, then when they got back into bed, this time Steve lay against Bucky’s chest, with Bucky’s arm around him. “Your turn to be the teddy bear,” Bucky told him. Steve tilted his head to look at Bucky, and Steve’s smile nearly lit up the whole room.

xXx

Bucky woke up to find Steve was propped up on one elbow, watching him with a soft smile.

“Morning,” Bucky said, rubbing his hand over his own face. He wanted to instead stroke Steve’s face or run his hand through his hair. He wasn’t quite used to the fact that he could touch Steve in that way now.

Steve said, “I haven’t been awake for long – just a few minutes. How did you sleep? You didn’t seem to be restless. Though you did say earlier that you’d had a nightmare.”

“Yeah. But even with nightmares, that’s actually the best sleep I’ve had for a long time.”

“Same here.”

Bucky realized that the light coming through the window seemed brighter than he expected for dawn. He lifted himself up a bit and caught sight of a wall clock. “Hey, is that the time?”

Steve turned, saw it too and also gaped. “What? But I don’t sleep that late or that long! We went to bed so early… perhaps it was the jet lag and all the stress from the prison break and travelling.”

Noor said, “Or perhaps it is because you were so contented and peaceful in the arms of your beloved.” She had a ‘You two are idiots’ tone, and had not bothered with her usual chime first. “Your friends are all up and have had breakfast.”

“We’d better get dressed and out there,” Steve said. Though he let go of Bucky reluctantly.

Bucky gently ribbed him about not having noticed how late it was when he woke up. Steve blushed and admitted he’d been too busy gazing at Bucky sleeping peacefully.

Beautiful besotted idiot.

While they searched through the amply stocked wardrobe, Bucky asked, “Should we tell the others that we’re together? I told them that you and Sharon had kissed. I mean – well, they saw the joint name plate and at the time I thought that you and her were together, so I set the others ‘straight.’ So to speak. Sam didn’t seem convinced though.”

Steve hesitated. “Did you want to keep us quiet for now? I kind of want to yell it from the rooftops, but I know I can’t.”

“We can tell T’Challa, Sam, Clint, Wanda, and Scott. Avoid any misunderstandings. And it would be nice to be able to be together in front of people, our friends, instead of having to hide it.”

Noor chimed and said, “Your friends are aware of the change in your relationship status.”

“How?” Bucky asked, dropping a shirt and putting his hand on his hip. “I’ve barely just found out myself!”

“I informed them when they were expressing concern about you two being late for breakfast and they also wondered if you had finally seen sense.”

Steve chucked and enquired, “Was there any betting involved?”

“I am sure you already know the answer to that.”

As soon as they were dressed, combed, and presentable, they went into the living area. Scott, Clint, Sam, and Wanda were all there. Each stopped what they were doing and smiled at them like they were looking at two gorgeous kittens on the internet.

Perhaps unnerved by the scrutiny (facing down HYDRA was one thing, facing sappy friends knowing stuff about their love lives was another) Steve blurted out: “What? We didn’t do anything!”

Noor said, “I can confirm this.”

“Don’t you have a privacy setting, Noor?” Sam asked, as coherently as he could while cackling with laugher.

“My main setting is ‘forthright’.”

In response, Sam raised his glass in a toast – whether it was to her or to Steve and Bucky, Bucky wasn’t sure.

Perhaps being unnerved by friendly scrutiny was catching, because Bucky found himself protesting: “We only slept together!” Then he saw their amused reactions. “What?”

Clint explained, “These days ‘sleeping together’ is another term for having sex.”

Bucky frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense. How can a person sleep when they are having sex?”

“The main thing is that you’ve finally admitted your feelings for each other,” Wanda said.

She gave them hugs. It was like having a sister again. Bucky liked that, even with the embarrassment of being the center of attention. Though he could think of a lot worse ways of being the center of attention.

Clint applauded and commented, “Finally! I’m glad it didn’t take the two of you another decade.” Scott and Sam nodded vigorously. It was like having brothers.

Bucky gave them a look. “How did you know that we were -?”

Sam rolled his eyes and cut him off. “Oh please. There’s less pine in a Scandinavian forest than there was between the two of you!”

Bucky turned to look at Steve. Steve met his gaze, and there was so much there. How long they had hidden their feelings for each other or not realized what those feelings truly were. Steve smiled wide, then gently bumped shoulders with him. Bucky reached out and they held hands.

xXx

 


	5. Starting to heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! This was partly because my muse became obsessed with writing a near 26,000 Stucky fic (Time Brings All Things), and also because this fic ended up expanding past what I expected. I had thought that there would only be one more chapter of this fic to go, then I realized, ‘Oh, I haven’t dealt with this…’ so I wrote and wrote and thought I’d better not post any more of it until I had the rest of it finalized, otherwise I was going to muck something up. 
> 
> So now I have written the rest, and will post the chapters out all within the next week.

 

xXx

Bucky couldn’t quite believe it. He was here in a huge safehouse in Wakanda, protected and cared for, and actually holding hands with Steve in front of people. Friends. Friends who were smiling at them happily about their new relationship and gently ribbing them about being late for breakfast.

Blushing and clearly aiming for a distraction, Steve asked everyone in general, “How did you sleep?”

“Obviously not as good as you two,” Clint said and clinked glasses with Scott. Sam gave him a thumbs-up and Wanda laughed. Comedians, the lot of them…

Scott said, “We’d better get you two some breakfast – you must be starving!”

“We can help -” Steve began.

Sam shook his head. “No need. Sit there and radiate your happiness. It’s like two extra suns have come up today.”

So they sat there, side by side, and bumped knees and didn’t have to stop touching or openly looking at each other. Bucky was still internally reeling from finding out the night before that Steve loved him and then getting to sleep in Steve’s arms.

Scott was like a matchmaking relative. “If you two want to go on a date, just tell us to stay out of the conservatory or the pool area, or I’m sure that T’Challa would be happy for you to be escorted somewhere for a change of scenery.”

During the chatter and bustle of food preparations, it sounded like some of the others had had nightmares or broken sleep, which did dim their mood.

Clint said, “I’ll feel a lot better when my family gets here. I think getting back into an exercise and training routine will also help. We’ve got great facilities here.”

Wanda nodded. “Keeping up training and teamwork will be a good thing.”

“Running with Steve!” Sam said in a mock ‘O! How Wonderful’ tone. “One of my favorite things.” At Bucky’s confused look, Sam explained, “It’s how we first met. He kept lapping me. ‘On your left!’ over and over. I nearly busted a lung trying to keep up with him.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll set a more reasonable pace.”

Bucky said, “I did a lot of pushups and sit ups in my apartments. I need to get back into doing that.”

“Well, they certainly made your arms even more impressive,” Steve commented, then blushed.

“You’re both experts on impressive arms,” Scott pointed out.

Bucky said, “I’m happy with getting back into exercise. But if there’s weapon training, best if you don’t do it around me, just in case. Do it at a separate facility. And when – if – I train with weapons, they need to be taken away after each session.”

Steve looked sad about that, but said, “If you think that’s best, then okay.”

Soon, the food was ready and Bucky reluctantly let go of Steve’s hand so he could eat. Steve multi-skilled where he could, eating with one hand and resting his other hand on Bucky’s knee or shoulder.

They had super-soldier-sized breakfasts, and while they steadily consumed those, they and the others planned out the day, with input from T’Challa’s wonderful AI, Noor, about when he would be likely to visit them and anything that he wanted them to do. At Steve’s request, Noor also gave them a rundown of what had happened overnight on the official (and unofficial) news.

xXx

There was a walkway that looped around the base of most of the complex. It was a completely sealed corridor, but the way it was set up was like walking up close and personal with the jungle. There were sections where feeders had been set up just outside the corridor for birds and monkeys, so he and the others could watch them but the wildlife was blissfully unaware of their presence. It would be a great area to go on ‘walk and talks’, or just quiet, contemplative strolls or exercise.

Team Cap went for a walk on the loop, with Steve and Bucky holding hands. There was some conversation and pointing out of creatures and amazing plants and admiration of the Black Panther statue. They asked Noor a lot of questions. Then they all went to the gym section and did some training, mostly running, walking and weights. By some unspoken pact they were going to leave sparring for today at least.

xXx

When they were back in their own immense bedroom, having cleaned up after their exercising, Bucky said, “We can hold hands in front of people. We don’t have to hide it. Certainly is a brave new world.”

“But…?” Steve prompted.

“What if I can’t leave Wakanda?”

“Then we stay here,” Steve replied without hesitation. “‘Not without you’, remember?”

“Different circumstances.”

“Still applicable. Let’s not count our chickens yet.” On seeing Bucky’s unhappy face, Steve said, “This is a beautiful, amazing place to stay. I’m looking forward to exploring Wakanda.”

“So am I, but I don’t want you to have to be stuck here because of me.”

“I can be happy in the one place,” Steve argued. “I was happy in Brooklyn before the War. I had you. Only thing I didn’t have was my health.” At Bucky’s look he said, “Okay, sometimes we couldn’t afford much food. And there was the whole ‘being gay is illegal’ thing.”

“And the thing about you being a tiny rage monster, picking any fight you could find.”

Steve ignored that – of course, the punk. “Wakanda is a lot bigger than Brooklyn, and it is incredible. I’m healthy. You’re here, and we know how each other feels. And it’s not just me who’ll defend you, Buck. So yeah, I’m fine with staying here.”

Sitting there on the sofa in their room, they shared their first kiss. Afterwards, they couldn’t recall for sure who made the first move and decided (correctly, as confirmed by Noor) that it was one of their moments of complete synchronization. It was hesitant at first but sweet and full of promise. It quickly became passionate. Steve ran a hand through Bucky’s hair, then cupped his cheek.

“I meant what I said,” Steve said when they parted a little for breath. “About courting you. Taking things at whatever pace you want.”

“Good. Now, more kissing, please and thank you,” Bucky replied, managing to restrain himself from climbing onto Steve’s lap.

Steve responded beautifully to that order, and they did their best to make up for lost kissing time.

xXx

After lunch, T’Challa visited, offering warm congratulations to Steve and Bucky, and then he watched their embarrassment with fond amusement.

His demeanor turned serious when he said, “Clint, your family and Natasha are still safe. It will take at least several more days before we can get them here undetected. There are some false trails that need to be put down first.”

They discussed that situation, and studied maps and the plans.  

T’Challa also brought along new and secure phones for all of them. He explained who they could and couldn’t call. “Noor is also accessible via your phones. She can encrypt calls and keep them private.”

“Thank you, your Highness,” Steve said. “I know how busy you must be.”

“I am extremely good at delegation. I also employ the best people. And please, you may all call me T’Challa and use my title in official situations. My coronation will take place in a week’s time. We have always kept them as internal celebrations in Wakanda, rarely inviting any leaders of other countries. A ceremony that both remembers and commemorates the previous ruler while rejoicing the next, but it is mainly for the people.”

“Will we need to keep a low profile?” Sam asked.

“No, you will still be able to explore and to come to the coronation. There may be world focus on Wakanda since recent events but it will not be unusual for the rest of the world if we make the changeover in private, without any of the world’s media.”

Bucky wasn’t surprised. The word most often used to describe Wakanda was ‘reclusive’. (‘Brilliant’ and ‘mysterious’ came close.) For most of its history, it had managed to keep to itself, and keep out people who wanted to take over and exploit the resources.

T’Challa then explained, “While you are here, you can be as active or as idle as you want. Or a mix. There are counsellors whom you can set up appointments with via Noor if you wish. If you want to explore, it is best that you do so with at least a few of my guardians with you, for advice and for your protection. Just as a precaution.”

“Is there anything you want us to do while we’re here?” Steve asked. “To help you or make things easier for you, since you’re harboring us?”

“The Dora Milaje will brief you soon. Apart from that, resting and talking are very good ideas, and having hobbies. For example, if you want a certain set of art supplies, Steve, you only have to ask.” He looked around at them all. “Also important is preparing and keeping up your skill levels. I and my technicians will talk to each of you about various projects. For example: a new arm for Bucky and a new shield for Steve. Sam, I’m sure we can arrange for new wings for you.”

Sam replied, “I’d appreciate that very much. I’ve also got some design ideas I wanted to try out.”

“Certainly.” Then T’Challa said, “Scott, as for a new Ant Man costume, the Pym particle is at the moment beyond us. But we may be able to arrange contact with Hank Pym about getting another one for you to use here or to have on hand if needed.”

Scott stared at T’Challa like he was Santa Claus. “Thank you. At the airport, I was able to initiate a destruct protocol before I was arrested, so all they got was the motorcycle suit without the components they wanted – the tech was fried. Hank thinks of everything.”

T’Challa nodded then turned and smiled at Wanda. “We have rooms where you can safely practice your powers. We also have people who may be able to help you with controlling and exploring them. I can personally vouch for these people, but of course you would need to see if you felt comfortable with them. You can ask Noor for their details and access to their research.”

“Thank you, T’Challa,” Wanda said. “I need to get better at it and find out what the limits are. I also want to see if I can help Bucky in regard to the deprogramming.”

Bucky said, “Thank you. Both of you.”

They spent time discussing whether and when to reveal that Team Cap was in Wakanda, and they all agreed that it was best to keep that quiet for now.

T’Challa’s opinion was, “If it is leaked, then we will deal with the matter.”

Wanda asked, “And if someone like Ross tries to come for us?”

“Let them try,” T’Challa said in an ‘It will end badly for them’ tone.

xXx

“We should have a slumber party at some stage,” Scott said.

They did end up having a sort-of slumber party in one of the vacant bedrooms that night (T’Challa was an apology but said it was a great idea and he would do his best to join in with the next one). They all dressed in their pajamas and congregated on one of the immense beds, with plenty of pillows, cushions, snacks and movies of varying quality. There were plenty of belly laughs. Scott started to call both Bucky and Steve ‘Sunshine’ as nicknames. But they didn’t stay there all night. They stayed up late, but then they all retired to their respective rooms. They thought it best, since they wanted privacy for any nightmares and most of the team were still recovering from the Raft.

“And our two lovebirds need some privacy,” Clint said.

“Not to mention that these sheets are more crumbs than material now,” Sam pointed out.

“I thought that birds like crumbs, just like us ants,” Scott joked.

Cue group pillow fight – everyone on everyone, though Steve ordered: “No hitting above the shoulders!” because he was a mother hen. Even one-handed, Bucky managed to get some good thumps in.

xXx

Bucky dreamed of a dark woodland, of moving through it cautiously.

Fortunately, he woke up before anything jumped out from behind a tree.

He realized he was alone in the bed. That startled him, even though he and Steve was such a new thing. Perhaps because it was what was meant to have happened all along and it felt so right. Then Bucky saw that Steve was at his easel and he relaxed.

Steve saw he was awake, gave a huge grin, then climbed back into bed and snuggled with him for a while. It did mean a few smears of paint got transferred, but the holding and kissing certainly made up for that.

xXx

During the next few days, Bucky found his sense of humor emerging again, or a hybrid of what it used to be and who he was now. It was nice to make the others laugh. And to put that smile on Steve’s face.

He also dreamed again of the woodlands at night. Of walking between the trees. Feeling tense. He couldn’t see any threats, but he could sense them.

When he woke up, he wondered if it was a memory, or just some sort of interpretation of that Robert Frost poem that kept coming to his head. In the poem, there had been snow and the traveler had been on horseback, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. And those woods had been ‘lovely’.

Apart from those unsettling dreams and his full-on nightmares, he managed to sleep fairly well (sharing a bed with Steve definitely helped) and he was more relaxed and comfortable during the day. Well, mostly. He still had to deal with the guilt and memories about being the Winter Soldier. And when he had a ‘bad mental health day’ as the current term went, his friends understood and were there to support him if he wanted it.

Bucky found that the others liked him as a jogging partner. “Steve’s too annoying.” Bucky and Sam especially liked to have a jog around the track, then go back to the kitchen for a smoothie. They were feeling their way slowly into their friendship.

At times, the group splintered up into smaller groups or pairs to do things – like Wanda wanting to talk with Bucky in private. He listened to her grief about the loss of her brother. “I can’t talk about it to Steve or Clint. It helps to talk to you and to Sam about it; thank you. I didn’t realize that I hadn’t been dealing with it.”  

She also talked about Vision, that there may have been something between them, but they hadn’t had time to explore it before everything happened with the Accords. Then Wanda mentioned her powers, and her voice trailed to a stop.

Bucky said to her, “So you can show people their worst fears?”

She nodded. “Everyone is afraid of something. You’ve already experienced your worst fears. Like being made to hurt and kill innocent people. To be controlled by HYDRA.”

xXx

Steve enjoyed working on his art again, but Bucky saw that it was also a therapy for him.

And Steve opened up, to Bucky and in the talks, group and otherwise. Steve and Bucky talked about Peggy. When Steve started crying about her, Bucky put his arm around him and shed his own tears too. He would have loved to have reconnected with her, but he was glad that Steve had got the chance to.

Bucky read a lot, continuing to catch up on what he had missed, but also because he liked learning, and reading for enjoyment, and he wanted to read the history of this amazing country he was in. All of them started to learn the main Wakandan language.

It was great to have Steve there to help him when he needed it, especially when trying to do things with one arm. Or after a nightmare. “It’s okay; it’s okay,” Steve would whisper and soothe, stroking his back, a solid and warm, comforting presence, and Bucky could burrow in against him, hold him, and cry if he wanted or needed to.

xXx

Bucky and Scott geeked out about various things. Scott and T’Challa got together to build various things. Steve and Sam chatted a lot while playing billiards or going for a walk or training sessions. Steve even brought his easel into the main living area because the light was so great or because his muse was on fire while the rest of the group watched a movie or hung out. Scott got to send some messages to his daughter and Sam to his mother. Clint and Bucky talked together about mind control and its aftermath.

xXx

Bucky was in their bedroom, gazing out of the main window. Steve came up and put his arms around him.

“T’Challa said we can go out if we want, Buck. There are some precautions we’d have to take, but he said it’ll be safe.”

“You can go. I’m not feeling cooped up or imprisoned. I feel safe here.”

Steve shook his head. He would go to other sections of the complex without Bucky and perhaps a little way outside it if necessary to see T’Challa, but even with being able to be given real time updates from Noor he wanted to be close in case something happened.

Bucky said, “At some point, I may go on a tour. But for now, I want to stay here.”

“Until the programming is gone?”

“Yes.”

There was silence, with Bucky wondering what would happen if they couldn’t find a way to get rid of the code words. And he knew Steve was thinking the exact same thing. Bucky hadn’t mentioned cryo again - yet, but it was still there as an option in his mind. An option, not a certainty.

The others went out for excursions – they had some device they each wore that apparently kept them off any spy satellites – and they brought back things for Bucky and Steve. Like flowers (potted or picked), produce, preserves, photos they had taken, knick-knacks they thought either of them would like.

Bucky loved it when they did that. He displayed the gifts, sampled the food, asked questions about everything, and Steve used some of the things as subjects for his art.

xXx

Clint got very restless when it was announced that his family was on the last leg of the journey to Wakanda with Natasha. The others did their best to distract him, but there were some times when they just had to step back, with him knowing that they were there if he wanted company. Scott was a huge help in those times, one father to another.

But away from Clint, Scott was also restless: fretting and frenzied. “Do you think that the Black Widow would be the type of woman to like baked goods as an apology-slash-welcome gift?” he asked, flipping through a recipe book.

Bucky replied, “Don’t worry, Scott. Romanoff won’t be hugging me either.”

“I fought her.”

“I fought her. I also shot her twice.”

“Ah.” Pause. Then in a bright tone Scott said, “Still, whipping up some cookies couldn’t hurt, right? Cap, do you know if Romanoff has any favorites?”

Steve made some suggestions, then they left Scott to his baking.

xXx

 


	6. More healing and love

 

xXx

Steve and Bucky went for a walk through the ‘loop’, the corridor up close and personal with the jungle that ran around most of their compound. They were quiet for most of the time, holding hands, stopping occasionally to kiss.

Then Bucky sighed and asked, “Steve, do you think Natasha will be all right with me?” He almost used her surname instead, but he was trying to view people in a less military, less formal way these days.

Steve replied, “She knows how much you mean to me. And she knows what you went through, what it’s like to be unmade. She was trained in the Red Room.”

Bucky nodded, and they resumed their walk.

xXx

Living quarters had been readied for the Barton family in a nearby building. Bucky said he would not be visiting them. “It’s not a good idea for me to be around kids.”

Steve looked sad about that, probably remembering how great Bucky had been with his own sisters, but he was also understanding. So, Bucky did not get to see Clint reunite with his wife and children.

Neither did Steve, who said, “I want to be there, to welcome Laura and apologize for all the upheaval and trouble, but it’s best if they have some privacy first.”

At least they knew that the Barton clan and Natasha had landed and were all right. The group sat around in their communal living area with their various projects (including some toys for the children), and waited.

It wasn’t long before Noor was announcing, “Natasha will be here in ten minutes.”

Steve immediately got up and started making coffee in her favorite way. When Natasha strode in, Bucky felt uncertain. He knew he wasn’t the only one – even though Natasha had ultimately helped him and Steve at the airport, they had spent most of the battle on opposing sides.

Natasha was wearing jeans, boots, and a t-shirt with a cartoon T-Rex on it.

She had probably worn it to make the children smile. With the Black Widow, you never quite knew.

Steve went up to Natasha. He embraced her and she hugged him back. She sniffed and said, “You’ve made my favorite coffee. Bless.”

“It’s so good to see you again, Natasha. How are Laura and the kids?”

“Relieved to be reunited with Clint and safe.”

“And how are you?”

“Still alive and kicking.”

Natasha stepped back and took another look at the rest of them. She asked Wanda, “Are you all right?” Wanda nodded. Natasha greeted Sam in a tone that managed to be both friendly but also not assuming anything, and he answered in kind. She eyeballed Scott.

Scott shifted uncomfortably and blurted out, “Um, about the last – well, first – time we met…”

Natasha said, “You fought well.” That brought a look of surprise then a bit of pride. Then Natasha said, “You all look pretty chipper, for a group of international fugitives.”

Sam said, “We’ve been doing a lot of talking and bonding and training.”

Steve expanded: “Shared life experiences…”

Sam went even further. “And shared beds, in the case of these two.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow but did not look startled. “About time. All that failed matchmaking time that I could have saved.” Natasha looked at Steve. “Shared life experiences, indeed. No wonder you’re so much more relaxed and content. Both of you. Hello, Bucky. As with Scott, we’re only getting to meet properly for the first time now.”

“Ma’am.”

“How are you?”

“Doing a lot better. Still a long way to go.”

She gave him a look which was both understanding and appraising. Steve then did his coffee barista thing. Natasha inhaled her coffee and set about consuming the snacks they had made for her. There was some chatter but nothing very heavy.

xXx

Natasha settled in to her room but popped over to help settle the kids for dinner and for bedtime. Steve had done drawings and paintings for their rooms after finding out their favorite things and characters.

They saw Clint again the next day when he came to visit and thank them for the wishes and toys (some of which they had bought and some they had made).

Clint said, “The kids are upset about leaving the farm, but it helped that Natasha was there with them. They’re in awe of the Black Panther statue. And T’Challa is wonderful with them. He’s provided animals that they can play with and help out caring for.”

Sam offered, “When your family have settled in and you two want some babysitting done, let us know. How’s Laura?”

“Her core of steel isn’t why I married her, but it’s sure come in handy.”

Steve said, “I’d like to come over in a few hours to talk to Laura for a little while. If that suits. Text me?”

All of them went over at some stage during the next few days to visit, apart from Bucky. He listened to Steve talking about the children.

“Is that something you want? Kids?”

Steve hesitated, then replied, “It was the sort of thing that if it happened, great, but if not, that was okay too. And with my lifestyle as an Avenger, it was hard to picture it happening. Now I’ve got you. That’s more than I thought I’d have again. I love us being domestic together, and us _being_ together. Getting to spend time with Clint’s kids, as a sort of an uncle, is fun. How about you?”

“Same.” There was a pause. “At some stage, we may be able to get some pets…”

“I’d like that.”

xXx

Bucky dreamed of the woods again. He didn’t think it was a memory. But he wasn’t sure what it was about.

He didn’t mention it to Steve, because it wasn’t something that woke him up screaming.

xXx

Clint came over as often as he could for training and talks. The first time, he was carrying a rolled-up document, poster-sized. To Bucky’s surprise, Clint handed it to him. “The kids drew this for you. A three-way effort.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, they wanted to come over and meet you. I explained that you aren’t well, so they wanted to do something for you.” They had thought that would be the best explanation to the children of why Bucky couldn’t play with them.

Bucky wanted to cry at their kindness. Steve was beaming.

The drawing was a glorious riot of butterflies, a bright bird – a parrot or a phoenix? – cars, people and not surprisingly, a panther. Toddler Nate had scribbled swirls of color. It was bright and cheerful. It gave Bucky more hope.

“Thank them very much – I love it.”

He had it framed and put in his and Steve’s bedroom.

xXx

There were plenty of training sessions. The group was certainly not going soft or slack, even on their enforced rest.

They practiced forming a protective circle around Bucky. He hadn’t asked them to do it. Neither had Steve, but he thought it was a damn good idea. Black Panther trained with them, when his duties allowed. The Dora Milaje also put them through their paces.

At one point, Scott blurted out to T’Challa, “Wow, you’re like Batman! A Catman version of Batman!” Then he blushed and said, “Shutting up now.” Being a fugitive had not dimmed his enthusiasm or his awe at being in such company.

Natasha had picked up how closely they had all bonded together and watched them with interest.

Wanda was also making a lot of progress with exploring and controlling her powers. She often went into the conservatory to sit in a quiet corner and pray about the people who had died in the explosion in Lagos. Wanda had told Bucky that she had memorized all of their names. He couldn’t remember the names of all of the victims of himself as the Winter Soldier. He and Wanda talked together and sometimes prayed together for those who had been lost.

Most of the group were also seeing counsellors. Bucky was slowly getting used to the idea.

xXx

T’Challa’s coronation was both splendid and intimate, a very moving ceremony. Bucky watched it on TV, after giving T’Challa his apologies and best wishes and saying it would be safer if he remained in the compound. Steve wanted to stay with him, but Bucky convinced him that he would be fine and that Steve would represent them both. The rest of the team also attended the coronation.

Wakandan language sessions continued, and Sam was soon having great conversations with stall holders at the markets he visited and making friends with them. Bucky enjoyed reading the history and legends of the country, vivid tales of Bast and Sekhmet and wonderful veld land and jungle adventures. Steve loved hearing Bucky read the legends out loud, and he started doing a series of artworks about them.

It was fun and fantastically normal to be domestic, cooking and sitting down for meals, either romantic or large, and birthdays. Bucky enjoyed the range of food available. There were also some singalongs, with Wanda playing a guitar.

Clint didn’t join in with their movie nights, but T’Challa did on occasion. The new King enjoyed their Ghostbusters marathon, especially the one with the female cast, and he didn’t mind getting the butter from his popcorn on his beautiful silk pajamas. He also had a very infectious laugh.

Natasha often stayed away from group activities and some training sessions. As an excellent spy, she always had a perfectly reasonable excuse, but Bucky realized that she was doing so not because she wanted to, but because she wasn’t sure if she was accepted by the group yet, and was easing back in, testing the waters and giving time to rebuild some bridges.

The next time he asked her, “Would you like to come to the movie night tonight?”, and she replied:

“I have training to do.”

He then pressed: “But do you _want_ to come?”

There was a pause as they stared at each other. Bucky didn’t look away.

“Yes,” Natasha said.

“So, come.”

She smiled. And did so. And enjoyed herself.

After that, when he was having a brisk walk alone around the loop track, Natasha often joined him. They usually didn’t talk much – it felt like they didn’t have to – and they started doing it regularly. The silences were actually comfortable, and it was still a way to grow closer and support each other.

xXx

With Bucky and his counsellor’s help, Steve opened up about his guilt over his decision not to tell Tony about the Winter Soldier killing his parents. The counsellor explored with Steve whether his depression and PTSD may have contributed to the choices he had made and how to try to navigate through the repercussions.

Steve also discussed it with Tony. They had some conversations via the flip phone. Bucky gave Steve privacy for these and waited to see if he needed space or support after them. Most of the time the talks seemed to help Steve and hopefully Tony too. They had a lot to cover and were slowly reaching some common ground.

xXx

Bucky and Steve were relaxing together on a sofa in the common area, sprawled together with Steve’s arms around Bucky, and Bucky’s arm draped across Steve’s stomach. Clint wanted to take their photograph.

A few hours later, Bucky realized that Steve was staring at something on his mobile phone, and that he had been for a while, with an odd look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Clint sent me that photo.”

Bucky sat next to Steve and looked at the screen. It was a great photo. They were both smiling widely.

Steve said, “It’s just that…well… That’s the happiest I’ve seen you for a very long time. Perhaps ever.”

“We’re allowed to be happy,” Bucky said. And he actually believed it now, for himself and both of them, instead of just for Steve. “Even though these aren’t the most ideal circumstances. We’re alive and together and we’re healing and trying to work out a way to fix things.”

“Agreed.”

They then talked for a while about Bucky’s sisters and Steve’s mother, recalling things that had happened, and about how much they missed them.

xXx

Steve & Bucky’s bedroom:

Bucky woke up in Steve’s arms, yawned and blinked. Steve gave a happy mumble and kissed his neck and shoulder.

“That was a weird dream,” Bucky said.

That made Steve more alert. “Are you okay? You seemed to be sleeping peacefully, otherwise I would have woken you up.”

“It wasn’t a nightmare. I was dancing to a song that I heard last week. The main lyrics were ‘Baby, I’m worth it’. Then you were there and we were dancing together.” At least it wasn’t those woods again.

“That does sound great.”

Bucky grinned and poked him with his elbow. “It must have been a dream, because you were actually dancing pretty well.”

Steve tickled him in retaliation. “Stop talking so much BS.”

“Well, those ARE our joint initials. Noor will probably get them monogrammed onto our bathroom towels if we keep this up.”

There was a thoughtful electronic hum, as if it was being noted for future reference.

xXx

Steve and Bucky went for a run around the jungle loop, then a brisk walk. Even though they went over the same area time and time again, it was always fascinating. (Sometimes when they walked around it, Sam would go by at a run and yell, “On your left!”)

They were watching some monkeys playing in the trees, when Bucky said, “Steve, I’ve decided not to go back into cryo. Unless things look like they’re going to deteriorate.”

Steve seemed to glow with relief. “I’m glad. I’m so glad.”

“But I’d still prefer to stay in the compound for now. At some stage, Wanda might be able to remove the triggers.” Extensive research was being done in regard to this, by T’Challa’s top scientists and medical personnel, liaising with Wanda, and they agreed that she would be likely to have the best, safest, chance of doing this, given time and practice.

xXx

One evening while lazing around in their bedroom, Bucky realized that he was ready to go further with his and Steve’s sexual explorations. A whole lot further. He notified Steve, who quickly ditched his sketchbook and was immediately on board for whatever new things Bucky wanted them to try.

Bucky got to explore those magnificent biceps thoroughly at last, to trace them with his fingers, lips and tongue. Then to move their bodies together, so intimately.

Steve was gasping. “I don’t think I’m … gonna last long…”

“Me either…”

They didn’t, but that didn’t matter, because it was intense and amazing and they bounced back quickly due to their serums.

It was well worth the very, very long wait they’d had to reach that point.

Time both galloped and stretched out. They celebrated their love and explored each other’s bodies and tried various positions. They felt like giddy teenagers.

xXx

When Bucky woke up, feeling blissful, Steve’s face was right next to his on the pillow, and Steve was gazing at him with adoration, one hand resting on Bucky’s jaw.

“Good morning.” Steve leaned in punctuated his greeting with a kiss. There was also no morning breath to contend with. He watched Bucky smile and he revised his words. “Very good morning.” A deeper kiss and touching from both parties. “Very, very good morning.” And so it progressed rapidly through: great, fantastic, awesome, amazing, stupendous and Steve ran out of coherency before he ran out of superlatives, and yet more climaxes were reached.

xXx

They dozed a little, snuggling.

Bucky chuckled. “You’re staring at me again. Like you don’t already know what I look like.”

Steve was grinning. “Actually, _this_ is the happiest I’ve ever seen you, Buck,” he remarked.

“Same.” Bucky stretched luxuriously against him, against the fully-naked body of his friend and lover. “What time is it?”

“It’s…oh, it’s getting on for lunchtime, actually.”

“Really?” Bucky laughed. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I thought we were just going to be a little late for breakfast.”

Steve groaned. “We’re never going to hear the end of this…”

Noor chimed, then she said, “Sorry to interrupt, but your friends have asked me to play the following message to you.” Cue a chorus of loud, long and impressive wolf-whistles. “And they say to please come out in half an hour for food before you wither away to empty husks.”

“Did you _have_ to tell them that we ‘did it’?” Steve tried to grumble but he was too mellow to pull it off.

“When neither of you appeared for breakfast, they wanted to make sure that you were both all right. They knew that one could be comforting the other after bad nightmares and that extra sleep was required, or they knew that you two could be enjoying making endless passionate love and therefore lost track of the time.”

Bucky said, “Or that I could have had an ‘incident’.”

“Reassurance was needed.”

Steve sighed. “We’d better get up and shower. If my legs can hold me up…”

“I’ll have to carry you over my shoulder then.”

And they could have some fun in the shower too. They grinned at each other.

Noor, in her best schoolmarm voice, warned them that if they did get up to anything in the bathroom, it had better be quick, otherwise she would get dye filtered through the shower water and they’d be purple for several days.

Bucky laughed again. “I’ll miss Noor when we leave. If we leave. In a way I don’t want to leave,” he realized. “I’d like to stay here or have this as our home and go provide help to people from here.”

He saw from the look in Steve’s eyes that Steve had noticed he was now actively thinking of their future and it not involving cryo.

“I have no objections to that,” Steve replied. “And at the moment I don’t want to leave this room ever again, so staying in the one spot is not a problem for me. But we’d better surface for food.”

xXx

They did manage to make it out into the common area right on the half-hour deadline, and received a round of applause. They both bowed sassily.

T’Challa took one look at them and said, “Twin suns indeed.”

Sam said, “Damn, those smiles are just lapping your faces. You look like you could take off flying, without any wings.”

Natasha’s comment was: “Housekeeping had better leave a full fruit bowl in your room each day, to sustain you both. Or just stock a fridge in there and be done with.”

While they had lunch, Bucky proposed a toast. “Thank you, all of you, for making me feel safe. And happy.”

Everyone gave a resounding cheer.

xXx

T’Challa’s medical and engineering teams developed a vibranium arm for Bucky. It had a realistic skin tone to it. T’Challa’s sister Shuri had a lot of input into it, and also into Steve’s new shield, as she was an engineer who specialized in vibranium. Bucky talked with her a lot via a video link, and admired her greatly.

When Steve saw the new arm, he asked, “How does it feel?”

Bucky replied: “Let me try it out.” They were sitting together. He hugged Steve, putting both arms around him. “Yeah, that feels great.”

The metal arm was cool to the touch and it made Steve’s skin goose bump and shiver, but in a good way.

The fine motor control proved to be _fantastic_.

xXx

The group had another of their regular discussions about how they were doing.

T’Challa said, “I will always make time in my schedule for this. It is a vital thing for all of us. It has helped me with my grief.”

Sam nodded and explained, “The talking we’ve all been doing, it’s as important as the physical training. It’s helped us all, and it has also made us even more cohesive when we’re training. We’re a much better team because of it.”

Wanda smiled. “Agreed. There are things that I’ve been carrying a long time that aren’t as heavy now. They’ll always be there but I’m better at dealing with them. I never thought I would.”

“We’re resting and healing, but preparing too,” Steve said.

It was a good feeling. Bucky looked over at Steve’s shield. It was the same shape and dimensions as the old one, but it did not have the star or any colors on it.

They also discussed what they wanted to aim towards – helping out with projects around Wakanda when the time was right (and possibly further afield, possibly incognito). After liaising with Scott and T’Challa, Hank Pym had managed to get a miniaturized Ant Man suit to Scott, who was then able to train with it.

xXx

Sam built a new and improved version of his Redwing drone, with input from Scott, Clint and T’Challa. Then the team trained with it. Or ‘him’, apparently.

Upon Redwing II’s debut, Bucky overheard Natasha say, “Hello, Redwing,” with some affection, and then Sam gave her a look that seemed amused and pleased.

It was interesting to incorporate Redwing into their training, the same with a Scott who shrank and commanded ants.

“Nice bird!” Scott remarked when the session was winding up.

Sam replied, “I’d say, ‘Nice ant’, but I can’t actually see it! They’re useful, but at least I can actually pat Redwing.”

Scott grinned. “You can pat Antony II if you shrink. Or if we increase him to dog size. And hey, let’s watch ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’ for our next movie night!”

xXx

It was great to see Wanda grow in confidence, both in herself and in her powers. She gained more control and explored what she was capable of with help from a number of Wakandan people, including scientists and experts in meditation.

xXx

The woods again. Bucky told Steve about the dreams. He also told his therapist and Wanda.

xXx

Bucky entered their bedroom to find Steve was sitting on their bed, wiping his eyes.

“Steve?” Bucky immediately closed the door behind him and hurried over? Was it about Peggy or not being Cap anymore or something else? Bucky sat next to him.

Steve reached out and grasped his hands. He gave a watery smile. Relief? Hope?

“I was just speaking to Tony.”

Bucky tried not to tense.

“He said that he’s glad he didn’t manage to kill you.”

Relief. More progress.

Steve and Bucky hugged. Bucky knew that Tony’s declaration wasn’t forgiveness – he might never receive that, the same with Steve for not telling Tony about his parents – but this was significant and welcome.

Steve continued, talking into Bucky’s shoulder, “He said that one day – not yet, but one day – he may be ready for me to put you on the phone with him for a talk.”

Bucky sucked in a deep breath then slowly let it out, on the verge of tears. He and Steve kept hugging, and they didn’t let go for a long time.

xXx

 


	7. Into the Woods

 

xXx

He was in the woods again. Now there were glimpses of things in it, at the corners of Bucky’s vision. Creatures? Ones that were supposed to be there or other ones? Or people? Bucky couldn’t tell. Every time he turned around, they were gone.

He kept walking through the dark, between the trees. Through the fog. He couldn’t see if the trees had any foliage on them or not. He couldn’t see the night sky either. He could see his new metal arm.

And he knew that he was instinctively heading towards something, but he couldn’t say for sure what.

 _These woods are lovely, dark and deep_  
_But I have promises to keep_  
_And miles to go before I sleep_  
_And miles to go before I sleep_

Eventually he came to a clearing. On the other side of the clearing was the side of a mountain. It was dull and monotonously vertical. He couldn’t see how tall it was, but it felt like it stretched up into eternity. At the base of the mountain there was a small pool of water, in a semi-circle shape. Its surface was still, like a mirror, and it glowed like it was illuminated, as if by moonlight. This was what he was looking for – whatever it was supposed to be.

Bucky started to walk towards it, but before he could reach the edge of the pool, shapes started to ooze between the trees and loomed at the edge of the clearing. Some of the things coalesced into familiar shapes.

Zola. Red Skull. Pierce. Other HYDRA handlers and scientists from over the years.

Then those people seemed to rear back and retreat a little.

Wanda stepped into the clearing. She didn’t spookily materialize out of ooze like the others.  She was substantial. Vibrant. She stared around curiously, very alert, and looked happy when she saw Bucky. She walked towards him. The things did not try to attack her. She and Bucky were tense, ready in case they tried.

Bucky said, “It’s good to see a nice, familiar face, instead of a bad, familiar face… What part of my subconscious are you supposed to represent?” He was aware that he was rambling in his uncertainty. “I mean, I can work out what aspects or memories _they’re_ supposed to be.” He gestured at Zola and co, who were basically lurking in the shrubbery.

“I think I am here as myself,” she replied.

Wanda came up to him and after a moment’s hesitation, they touched hands. Solid. Real.

She looked at the pool. “What is that?”

“I don’t know. I was just going to have a look.”

While still keeping tabs on Zola and the others, they stepped up to the edge of the pool. It did not reflect anything. It was blank. Then the water shimmered and showed them an image. It was of Steve and Bucky asleep in bed together.

“That’s weird,” Bucky said, noticing their sleepwear and other things about the scene. “That’s what’s happening right now.”

Wanda turned to him. “Bucky, what if this isn’t a dream? The last thing I remember is that I was meditating and I had a vision. What if I’ve ended up in your head? I didn’t mean to, but somehow…”

“We crossed the streams, like in Ghostbusters?” His attempted levity fell flat. “What was the vision?”

“When I was meditating, I saw T’Challa’s father, King T’Chaka. He looked young yet old and there was a panther beside him. King T’Chaka asked me to follow him. He said, _You are needed. You must help. You two need to move a piano._ ”

Bucky blinked. “A piano?”

“I think that was a figure of speech.”

She closed her eyes and concentrated. The red tendrils of power curled around her body.

Wanda opened her eyes. “I’m sorry; I am in your mind, Bucky. Do you want me to leave?”

“Those things don’t look very safe. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I may be able to help you with them. With the memories.”

He blinked. “In what way?”

“Perhaps not to get rid of them. To come to terms with them, instead.”

Bucky hesitated.

Wanda stared at the lurking creatures, the pieces of Bucky’s past. “These might not actually be your memories,” she said. “I thought they were but I think that’s camouflage, trying to hide their true intent from us. They could represent the code words instead. And perhaps not just that particular set of code words that Zemo used, but other ones as well.”

Movement in the pond drew their gazes. In their bedroom in Wakanda, Steve was awake. Bucky wasn’t. Steve was saying Bucky’s name. They couldn’t hear it, but they could see it, and Bucky in the woods could _feel_ it. For a start, Steve was gently ribbing and coaxing, calling Bucky a sleepyhead. They watched as Steve frowned and grew concerned and gently shook his Bucky. He got more and more worried and desperate. Real World Bucky didn’t respond.

Bucky leaned forwards in the clearing, over the edge of the pond, and called, “Steve! Steve, can you hear me?”

No reaction. He knelt down and touched the surface of the pond. It was solid. He hammered at it but it did not yield to his flesh hand or to his metal one.

Steve in the pond was yelling for or at Noor. Yelling for help. Begging Bucky to wake up.

Bucky got up and turned around. The things had not advanced but they had not retreated any further. They were not going to go away. “This is really happening. Wanda, get out while you still can.”

“Bucky, I don’t think I can leave, even if I wanted to.”

“Am I holding you here somehow? Tell me how to fix things so that you can be safe!”

She shook her head. After closing her eyes and focusing again, she opened them and said, “Events have passed us by. We need to stand and fight, to get these things out of your head.”

“Or?”

Wanda said reluctantly, “Or we’re both trapped inside your head and both probably will not wake up.”

The problem wasn’t that there were miles to go before sleep. It was that he _was_ asleep, too far asleep, and that if they didn’t succeed, he wouldn’t wake up and Wanda probably wouldn’t either.

“So,” Bucky said, trying to sound calm, “a ‘ride or die’ scenario, huh? I’m sorry, Wanda.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

Now wasn’t the time to debate that. “How do we get rid of these things?”

Wanda held her hand out towards the woods and sent some of her energy towards the nearest lurker. The things snarled and writhed but didn’t disappear.

She considered. “I think if the two of us use my powers, it will work. If I share it with you, and we channel it at them.”  
“So, we work together?” They had trained well together; hopefully that would translate into the mindscape or dream world or whatever it was.

“Yes.”

“Welcome to my mind. If I’d known you were coming, I’d have cleaned up first,” he joked lamely.

That got a smile out of her.

“They’re not attacking us,” Bucky pointed out. “I’m glad, but any idea why?”

“Possibly because they haven’t been activated. When we try to destroy them, they may react.”

“Will that mean that I turn into the Winter Soldier out there? I’ll hurt Steve!”

“I don’t think so, but unfortunately we have to take this risk. They may try to reach the pool. I get the sense that if they do reach it, they’ve won. We’ll be trapped here forever. Or cease to exist and just be breathing shells of bodies in the real world.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “How do we do this?”

Wanda replied, “Let’s find out. My instincts are telling me for us to hold hands. My power will flow through both of us, and we can then work together to direct it at those things.”

“Can you share your powers like that in the real world?”

“No. But this is still very real, just on another level. And don’t become guilty about this happening. You are important. You deserve to be free of this. You did not cause this, and I didn’t mean to end up here, but I think I was meant to.”

“Okay. Wanda, I just wanted to say thank you.”

Wanda reached for his right hand. They held hands.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yes.”

Wanda didn’t close her eyes but he could feel how much she was focusing.

“I’ll let you into my mind.”

Bucky said, “I don’t want to intrude in your mind or memories.”

She shook her head. “You’ll be too busy to do so.”

Then he could feel the power rising up in him, in them. The things reared and hissed. Bucky breathed, trying not to panic. He glanced at Steve in the pond.

Bucky and Wanda raised their joined hands.

He was in her mind and she was in his. They formed one mind, combining their strengths. They acted together and reacted together. The red energy came from their joined hands, slowly and uncertainly at first, then quicker and thicker.

They chose the first target together, Bucky’s knowledge and Wanda’s instincts telling them to aim at Zola. Unlike his physical counterpart, Zola didn’t cower or run. He came forward. And kept coming. They managed to slow his progress but the battle to destroy him seemed to take forever.  

The woods lit up with the power surging through it.

Bucky could hear someone screaming. Where? He couldn’t see them. They needed help. It wasn’t Wanda.

Then he realized it was himself, out in the real world.

He caught a glimpse of the pond. Seeing the despair on Steve’s face was gut-wrenching. But it also hardened his resolve more. He had to do this for Steve, for Wanda, for everyone who might be affected if the Winter Soldier was released again, for those who had already been casualties. And he had to do it for himself.

There was so much pain wrapped up in this, so many memories – some that he couldn’t fully recall. But he had to push past that.

Finally, he and Wanda got the upper hand against Zola.

Bucky gained a lot of satisfaction out of watching him atomize until there was nothing left. 

Then, finally, Zola was no more. The other things were lurking. There were still a lot of them. And so they continued. Bucky and Wanda were past exhaustion. Their stubbornness was keeping them going.

The more they did it, the more worn out they became, but also the more coordinated and better they got. It wasn’t because their opponents were weaker.

They also found that they didn’t have to talk out loud to each other; they could do so in their minds.

Then when it felt like they were about to collapse, they rallied one last massive burst, like a starburst, and destroyed the last lurkers all at once. They sank to their knees, still holding hands.

 _I wish we’d been able to do that earlier,_ Bucky thought-sent to Wanda.

 _We had to build up to it,_ she replied.

The woods were silent. Bucky knew that all of the ghosts and ghouls of the code words were gone. They would still live on in his memories, but the control was no more. He could not be turned into the Winter Soldier in that way again.

“Piano moved,” Wanda said softly.

In the pond, there was medical equipment attached to real world Bucky, including an IV in his hand and electrodes on his forehead. He had stopped screaming at some point and looked to be unconscious. Steve was lying next to him, exhausted but watching, carefully holding his right hand. There was thick stubble on Steve’s face.

Bucky looked around from where he knelt. The trunks of the trees looked like they had been sandblasted clean. It felt bare and barren. The pool felt like the only source of life.

He wondered how much damage had been done to his mind, but he sensed something was different.

The surface of the pool had changed. He could still see the image of himself and Steve (who had fallen asleep), but now he could reach and draw his free hand across the pool and send droplets flying. Wanda nodded at him in encouragement. He concentrated and the droplets hung in the air like bubbles. Then they glowed, like fireflies. Bucky sent those droplets and more out into the woods, to touch the trees and the earth, replenishing them.

Buds started to form, shoots began to grow, and slowly the woods became more visible as the sky lightened.

King T’Chaka appeared. As Wanda had said, he looked young yet old at the same time, and there was a black panther at his side.

T’Chaka said, “I greet you both. Your ‘beginnings’, so to speak, were in difficult circumstances, but you have chosen the path of helping others. It takes two very special people to be able to move a piano.” He was serious but when he mentioned the piano there was also a slight twinkle in his eyes.  

Bucky could feel how moved Wanda was by his words – he felt the same. T’Chaka was speaking in Wakandan, and they could understand and reply in kind.

Wanda wiped her eyes and said, “Thank you very much, Your Highness. Is there anything that you want us to tell your son?”

“He and I were close. I told him often how proud I was of him and that I loved him. But it never hurts to say that again, so please pass that on to him and my other children and wife; also that he is on the right path. And I am proud of the two of you.”

Bucky felt a peace settle over him at those words and replied, “Thanks for everything. King T’Chaka, may Bast and Sekhmet always be with you, and may the veldt be full of sunshine and joy.”

The late king smiled. “I should be able to visit my family in a dream before I move further onward, before I go too far from the world. Goodbye.”

The panther circled King T’Chaka, then both T’Chaka and the panther disappeared. Sunflowers began to grown where they had been.

Bucky wasn’t surprised when Wanda said, “We can leave here now.”  
Some blossoms were showing. There was still a lot of work to be done, but it was a start. He was healing.

He and Wanda smiled. They held hands again. They turned to the pond and, laughing with joy, took a running leap and jumped into it, through it, together.

xXx

Bucky opened his eyes. _Wanda,_ he tried to say, but nothing came out as he shifted on the bed. He could feel the electrodes stuck to his forehead.

The movement was enough to wake Steve. “Bucky?” He sat up, dazed but hopeful.

Bucky wanted to reassure Steve and to comfort and reassure himself by holding Steve and being held, but first he had to know if Wanda was all right. He tried to reach out with his mind.

Through his dizziness, he could sense that she was okay, even as Noor reported, “Wanda has woken up. She is asking about you, Bucky. She is all right.”

Bucky felt the last psychic links between them gently fade away.

 _Same here,_ he croaked out or tried to croak out, because he had no voice. _I’m okay._

“Bucky…” Steve looked like he was about to burst into tears of relief.

Bucky reached out for Steve, who held him carefully but desperately, and Bucky managed to clutch hold of him in turn, despite the pull of an IV and other things. From the amount of beard stubble on Steve’s face, the experiences in the mindscape had taken a few days in the real world.

They held, and Bucky could hear other people in the room. Medical staff. Security, perhaps. And was that Sam’s voice? He wasn’t even sure if he was in the infirmary or if they hadn’t been able to move him from the bedroom.

Reluctantly, Steve let go enough to look at Bucky again, to cup his face.

 _Gone. They’re gone,_ Bucky mouthed. He smiled.

Steve tried to read his lips. “Gone. Who? What?”

_Code words. All of them. I’m free._

Steve did start to cry then. So did Bucky. More hugging ensued. Eventually they were pried apart enough via gentle coaxing by the medical staff and Sam so that Bucky could be examined. And the ice chips they gave him were utter bliss on his worn-out throat.

xXx

Even with Bucky’s accelerated healing, it took several days for him to get his voice back and then for it not to be a hoarse croak. For the first twenty-four hours he was also very wobbly on his feet and spent a great deal of time sleeping while he recovered. Wanda also needed to recuperate, but not to the same degree.

After their ordeal, he and Wanda were even closer. And a weight had lifted from him and Steve.

Even though Bucky felt weak and achy, that didn’t really matter. He’d had a lot worse, but most importantly he was free. He could now interact with other people without the worry about being turned against them. He could really live again. He couldn’t stop smiling.

He and Steve were relaxing on their bed. “I want to have a bath,” Bucky whispered, a whisper being the best his vocal cords could currently manage.

“You’re too weak to bathe yourself yet. I can either give you a sponge bath, or I’ll carry you to the bathroom and help you to bathe.” Steve had his Stubborn Mule expression, ready for an argument.

“Carry,” Bucky answered and was a little smug at Steve’s surprise. It was nice to know that he could have that effect on him, even after all this time. And the more he rested now, the quicker he would be able to finally go exploring outside.  He was itching to get to properly know Wakanda, especially after all his studying about it and after all it had done for him.

“Okay. I’ll run the water first.”

When the bath was at the right level and temperature and scented with something that smelled beautiful, Steve helped Bucky to strip out of his pjs and to get into the tub. It was wonderful, a sensory delight and indulgence. It also didn’t hurt that Steve was also nearly-naked, so it didn’t matter how wet he got while he was bathing Bucky. They shared brief kisses every minute or so, wanting and needing the connection and reassurance.

“You really scared me,” Steve confessed quietly, while washing his back. “You both did.”

“We didn’t mean to. We didn’t mean to do it at all. Suddenly it was happening. And it’s done. We did it.” He relaxed into Steve’s gentle touch and care.

xXx

When Bucky’s voice was strong enough again, he and Wanda asked Noor for a meeting with T’Challa when convenient. He soon came to see them. They were in Bucky and Steve’s living area. Bucky had been allowed out of bed for the occasion, with dire warnings from Steve about moving very far from the sofa without help. Steve gave the three of them privacy, knowing that T’Challa, Wanda and Noor would make sure Bucky didn’t overdo things.

Bucky and Wanda explained to the King about seeing his father. Wanda said, “He told me that I had to help move a piano.”

At that, T’Challa blinked in surprise then had a look of pride and happiness on his face.

Together, they explained the rest of their adventure and battle in Bucky’s mind, then T’Chaka’s reappearance.

Deeply moved, T’Challa explained the origin of the piano comment. “When I first met Natasha at the signing of the Accords, we discussed diplomacy and how two people in a room could get so much done. Then my father stepped in and jokingly pointed out that moving a piano would be more than a two person job.” He glanced down at the ring on his hand. “However, he saw that the two of you were what was needed, instead of many, to achieve this particular move.”

Wanda told him King T’Chaka’s messages to his son and family.

T’Challa said quietly, “I look forward to seeing him again. Thank you.”

“I feel very peaceful after meeting him,” Bucky said.

Wanda nodded. “Yes,” she said. “He knows that we will keep doing our very best to save people.”

There were tears in T’Challa’s eyes, but he was smiling. “My father had that serene effect on people all of his life, and I’m glad to know that death is not something that will put a stop to it.”

There was a pause, then T’Challa hugged Wanda. It set off a round of embraces between the trio.

Bucky said, “T’Challa, if possible, Wanda and I would like to visit King T’Chaka’s grave to pay our respects, and lay some flowers there.”

“Of course. When you are stronger.”

xXx

A few days later:

Bucky and Steve were alone in their bedroom again, finishing getting ready for bed.

Steve climbed in and cuddled up against Bucky’s right side. “Did you want to read at all?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Steve kissed his forehead, then his lips. “Night. Noor, lights off, please.”

She did so and he settled down, content, and thinking that Bucky wanted to just go to sleep.

Bucky, however, had other ideas. “Steve…”

“Mmm?”

Bucky said, “I’m ready to explore. I want to go out and see Wakanda. But for now, exploring _you_ some more is a very good thing.” He traced his fingers in a spiral pattern down Steve’s bare chest and stuck his tongue in Steve’s ear.

“Oh…” Steve squirmed in delight. “So, if you’re sure you feel up to doing something… Lead on!”

Bucky did so. His stamina still wasn’t at its peak, however, it was still higher than most other men’s, and they were both celebrating that they’d overcome another huge hurdle.

xXx

They did manage to sleep. But they were also very late to breakfast. And very unrepentant.

“Back to normal again!” Scott joked. “Or a better version of normal.”

“Come over to our place for lunch,” Clint said. “And Bucky can meet the kids.”

So, Bucky finally, finally, got to walk around outside and to meet Clint’s offspring. The trip over to the Barton residence was lovely: the fresh, humid air, the rich green of the landscape, the sun and sky and smells.

When they were sitting at the kitchen table after introductions and welcomes, Clint’s daughter, Lila, asked Bucky, “Are you better now?”

“Yes, much better. Thank you. And thank you for your lovely art.”

His son, Cooper, said, “You have a very different name. Is that because it’s a nickname and it’s from SO long ago?”

“Yes. There were a number of Buckys around back then. My real first name is James. James Buchanan Barnes, after an American president.”

“Steve calls you ‘Buck’. A nickname of a nickname!” Cooper chortled.

Then Lila started staring at his arms. “Which is your metal arm?”

Clint and Laura looked ready to distract Lila if the question was too uncomfortable, but Bucky didn’t mind. He was wearing a shirt with sleeves that went down to his elbows. The skin color of the metal arm was relatively pale, but Shuri had said that if he got a tan, she could easily adjust it. It was also a lot quieter than the other one, only making noises if he was doing something vigorous, and the segment panels were hidden under the realistic-looking skin covering it, which was some sort of plastic and rubber mix.

Bucky smiled at Lila. “Can you guess?”

Lila and Cooper intently scrutinized what they could see of his arms. Like their father, they tried to absorb every detail.

Cooper said, “It’s your left one. No hair or marks on it!”

“Well done; you’re right.”

Lila wanted to knock on both of his arms with her fist (“Like on a door, not like a punch!” she hastily clarified), to see if the metal arm sounded different. She and Cooper also had a lot of questions about what life was like in the ‘olden days’.

Little Nathaniel toddled up to Bucky and wanted to climb into his lap. Bucky certainly didn’t mind, but he looked over to Clint and Laura to see if they had any (understandable) objections. They were fine with it.

Nate spent about ten minutes on Bucky’s lap and Steve didn’t stop smiling the whole time.

xXx

Bucky’s mind felt almost dizzy with possibilities. He was relatively free and completely in love. He could start to explore the city and jungle and veldts.

In a dream, he saw a glimpse of T’Chaka and Peggy, young yet old, chatting together like old friends. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or another look into worlds beyond. Either way, Steve was overjoyed to hear about it.

Bucky, Steve and their friends were escorted by T’Challa to his father’s tomb. On the way, they passed other amazing monuments and graves, of not only royalty but honored citizens.

The others held back for the moment, for Bucky and Wanda to step forward. They had a bunch of sunflowers and a wreath of native flowers. Bucky had also made a miniature piano, doll’s house sized.

T’Chaka’s tomb had some highlights in vibranium. Objects came out of the surface in relief, things and people that had personal meaning to T’Chaka. There was a figure of him as the Black Panther, and there were panthers around the base in different poses. There was the jungle, and also the landscape of a veld with his family as children running through the grassland. There was a sunburst – the light of justice and wise rule. There was an image of the king with his wife. And much more.

Bucky and Wanda laid down their gifts, then bowed their heads and prayed.

xXx

Tomorrow, Bucky would get to meet T’Challa’s family in person, at a dinner with the royal family in their main palace. He had met some of them on video-link talks and was especially looking forward to chatting with Shuri.

Bucky stood in front of his wardrobe and fretted at Steve. “What should we wear tomorrow night? What’s appropriate?”

Noor replied before Steve could. “A tailor has prepared formal outfits for you. He will bring them over in an hour for you to try on.”

The elaborate but very comfortable shirts and trousers made them look and feel like princes. After trying them on, they changed back into exercise clothes for a training session. Then the group had a celebratory lunch, a little party for Bucky no longer having the code words.

Paper chains, balloons, sparklers, silly hats. He’d never had a party like this before, though he did treasure the ones with his family back in the day, and the ones that the Howlies had managed with ingenuity to put together during the war.

During this party, he got to keep touching Steve. The relief that he felt, the joy. And it was great to see their friends were happy and having fun.

He was as carefree as he could be, considering his past and what he was dealing with. Day by day. Little victories. And the Accords were going to be substantially altered. The proposed amended draft looked promising; they would see what would happen with it.

xXx

Steve and Bucky were ready for their hike, standing outside the complex, with some of the Dora Milaje to accompany them as protection, guides and friends.

“This feels like home now,” Bucky told Steve as he enjoyed the feel of the sun and breeze. “We’ve been welcomed here and made it into a home.”

“Agreed.” Steve was happy and eager. “Where do you want to go first?”

“For a closer look at that statue,” Bucky said, pointing at the giant obsidian black panther on the horizon. “And that waterfall the others keep raving about. Then the markets. I want to visit those stalls with the incredible food and crafts and talk to the people there. When I’ve got my full strength back, we can help out in the community.”

They set off towards the statue.

 

 _This jungle is lovely, light and green,_  
_And I’m the happiest I’ve ever been._  
_Promises fulfilled and more to keep,_  
_Still nightmares but also better sleep._  
_There are miles to go in a lot of ways,_  
_I won’t give up to the end of my days._  
_Great friends and healing one day at a time,_  
_Steve and I together to the end of the line._  
_Steve and I together beyond the end of time._

xXx

The End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks very much to my lovely beta readers, Faye and Fiona, for doing the first chapter, and to the great michi_frog for betaing 2, 3 and 4. Thanks also to my car enthusiast friend Ian for answering my VW Beetle questions. Thanks to Faye as well for title inspiration.   
> The final three chapters have been posted unbetaed, as I wanted to get them up before some real-life stuff happens, but when my beta has time to go over them, I'll go back through and tweak.


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